A Tale of Two Feelings

A couple of weeks ago, I was at Casey Moran's (a local public house next to Wrigley Field), and I felt the weirdest thing I may have ever felt. No, it wasn't the dollar cheeseburger I'd just pounded. And it wasn't the free 3-1-2 I was drinking either. It may have had something to do with the measly pay I'd just received for working my hind parts off at Lollapalooza. But, that was not it either.

I walked into Casey Moran's for our paycheck pick-up party wondering to myself if I could get the Texas Ranger's game on TV while we were there, but to my surprise I noticed almost every TV had the Bears' preseason opener beaming back at me (the other TVs had Cubs and Sox on them). Of course, I was not surprised that a Bears' game was on TV in a Chicago bar. What surprised me was that preseason football had started already. And I was a little surprised at how into it Bears' fans are.

And then it dawned on me...it's here. Hey everybody! Football season is here! Time to draft your fantasy teams! Make sure your TV is set up properly! Dance in the streets! Shout from the rooftops! After seven long months of darkness, the light will shine again soon!


Hooray, Football Season! Old School Style!

And then...something else entered my joyful heart. Something not so joyful. Something sad.

You see, in Chicago the dawning of football season also means the dying of summer. In Texas, the birth of a new football season comes with no such sacrifice. If anything we only move to a cooler summer, but it's still summer. But not here. Soon, the leaves will change colors. The days will grow short. The snow will fall. The people will shovel.

The city is alive right now. With the sound of music...wait. That's the hills. The city is alive with the sound of summer. Beach volleyball. Patio seating. Barbecue grills. Dogs swimming. Flip-flops flipping. And flopping.

But to have football season arrive means to have summer take a few final bows and exit from the stage. No matter how hard we shout, "Encore!" our summer will yield the stage for 8 more months.

So for the first time in my life, I am torn at the arrival of football season. Damn you, old man winter! You'll rue the day you did this to me. I will single-handedly lead the charge for global warming and "Old Man Winter" can become "Dead Man Winter" which will give way to, " 'Daddy, tell me about Winter. Was it cold?' 'Oh, son, Winter is just a myth. It never really existed. Like O'Doul's and Coors Cutter.'"

However, being that it is football season and there's nothing that I can do to stop it, I now present to you my annual prediction of how this NFL season will play out. I think I need a name for it, but I'll work on that next year. Last year, I was miserably inaccurate so if I pick your team to win something I'd try not to get your hopes up this year. As always, I will critique myself at year's end and you are no longer obligated to read on if "sports aren't really your thing".

AFC NORTH:

Might as well start at the division that is home to my favorite team, the Cincinnati Bengals. When the laughter dies down we'll begin.



Have we all composed ourselves?

I think this division may have the most negative question marks (as opposed to the NFC East which I think has the most positive question marks). You see, the Steelers are having some offensive line issues, the Ravens are having major QB issues, the Bengals have defense and offensive sync issues and the Browns have defensive back and "was last year for real" issues.

Out of all these teams, I see the Steelers having the most success because Ben Rothlisberger is a QB that is capable of making the line look good with some mobility and the fact that he is 8'10" and refuses to fall down when someone hits him. Excuse me while I go call Ralph on the Big White Phone after praising Ben.

Ok. Plus the Steelers have a solid defense. Sadly, I have to give them the nod. Most likely the order of the next three teams won't matter since the AFC North drew the AFC and NFC East to play this year and therefore have some of the toughest out of division schedules in the league. I'm guessing the wild card comes from somewhere else.

1. Pittsburgh
2. Cleveland
3. Cincinnati
4. Baltimore

NFC NORTH:

This division has some interesting story lines this year. Aaron Rodgers takes over for Brett Favre, can Adrian Peterson stay healthy for a full season, will the Bears ever find a QB, and can the Lions start out 6-2 and miss the playoffs again?

The answer to who wins the division is hidden in one of those story lines, but far be it from me to guess how this will shake out. Oh, wait, I am guessing how it will shake out. Let's see...eenie, meenie, miney, mo...I kid, I kid.

I think the Packers have this thing. They return a pretty solid defense from last year and if Rodgers can just drive the bus through the parking lot that is the NFC North without crashing it into a light pole the Pack should win the division title. Their only competition should be from the Vikings who boast a fantastic defense and running game, but a QB who hit a few cones last year driving the bus.

"They were cones!"



1. Green Bay
2. Minnesota
3. Chicago
4. Detroit

AFC SOUTH:

This division is pretty straightforward. If Peyton Manning is healthy, the Colts should take the title. If not, that doesn't mean they won't take the title, but everyone else might have a shot. Right now, Peyton is a little banged up, but promises to be fine for the season opener, so we all know who my numero uno in this division-o is going to be. But what about the two spot?

Jaguars? David Garrard played really well last year, only throwing two interceptions. The running game is solid and so is the defense. Wide receiver is a big question mark right now, though, so if I need a first down to seal a win or extend a drive who do I go to?

Titans? This team has quite possibly the leagues most exciting player on their team. I speak of Vince Young, naturally. But for some unknown reason, the Titans haven't even pretended to try to get him a real receiving threat. The rest of the team around VY is a bit average.

Texans? I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and be proud of the team that bears such a magnificent name, but so far, I've been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. I been had! It seems like the pieces are finally in place: a solid, young defense; a potential star at running back; a fantastic wide out; a very serviceable tight end; and a QB who has the potential to not suck. Is this team ready to play or am I getting the business again?

1. Indianapolis
2. Houston
3. Jacksonville
4. Tennessee

NFC SOUTH:

Oh, NFC South...I don't believe I've ever even gotten close to figuring you out. That leaves me to only one conclusion. You must be a woman. Well, Ms. South, shall we dance again? I'll lead. Try to keep up this time.

The Saints were the hot pick last year. I even picked them to go to the Super Bowl after their fantastic 2006 season. And now what? Do I pick them again? They seem to have all the pieces including newly acquired TE Jeremy Shockey. Their defense may have seen better days, but that offense is scary-ish and performed well at the end of last season.

The Buccaneers have 18 QBs on their roster, so you have to think one of them can throw. They have a defense named after them (the Tampa 2) and they have a coach that fielded a winning team for the Raiders. Interesting.

I like the Panthers every year because my friend Patrick is a Panthers' fan. Well, that's not the only reason. I also like their defense which may have a healthy Julius Peppers. I like Jake Delhomme, too, though he's been known to kill a game or two with the pick-6. But it's not like the Panthers are awful. And now I've met another guy that's a Panthers fan...what to do?

The Falcons...hmmm...so they're sans Dog Killer, and everyone is pretty certain their the worst team in the league. I'm not so sure I agree with that theory (which probably means they are the worst team in the league.) First of all, Matt Ryan is their starting QB. Sure he's a rookie, but what does he have to lose. Everyone thinks they're going to suck mightily so the pressure should be off. They also plucked Michael Turner from free agency. The dude had 4 carries for 113 yards in a preseason game already. I'm not ready to give this team the heave-ho yet.

But seriously, the division makes me feel like Kramer trying to fill in for Movie Phone.

"Why Don't You Just Tell Me What Order You're Going to Finish In!?"



1. New Orleans
2. Tampa Bay
3. Atlanta
4. Carolina

AFC WEST:

This should be a pretty straightforward division as well. The Chargers are one of the best teams in the league thanks to a very respectable defense and a man known simply as LT. Plus ol' Phil Rivers probably won't cost them any ballgames, so what's not to like. Well, Shawn Merriman apparently is playing on a pretty banged up knee. Other than that, I've got nothing.

So on to the race to be VP of this western ticket (it is election season after all). The Raiders...? They do have Darren McFadden. They are just not a well-run organization right now...sorry, Raiders, you're not on the short-list.

Chiefs, then? Damon Huard is not going to last very long in a debate with Jay Cutler. Neither is Brodie Croyle. But I do like Larry Johnson and Dwayne Bowe. I'd like them more if they were on a good team.

So, by default we're gonna have to go with the Broncos. Woo-hoo! Chargers-Broncos 2008! Hope! Change!

1. San Diego
2. Denver
3. Oakland
4. Kansas City

NFC WEST:

Remember when this used to be a good division...the 49ers, led by Joe Montana. The LA Rams led by...hmmm...the Falcons with their...wait NFC west? The Saints and how they...wait a minute! I thought New Orleans was...West? Hold on a minute...wikipedia.com...search NFC West...

Okay...turns out from 1981 to 1997 the 49ers won the division all but 4 times. That's 13 division titles for the Niners, 4 for the rest of the teams for those keeping track at home.

I guess the NFC West has always been dominated year after year by one team. Since the Seahawks have won it four straight years, let's go ahead and make it 5. The Rams were pretty banged up last year, so they may rebound and look a little better. Maybe. The Cardinals and 49ers are not good football teams right now. Maybe they'll prove me wrong soon, but I think this division is a safe bet for now.

1. Seattle
2. St. Louis
3. Arizona
4. San Francisco

AFC EAST:

Last year I proved that even amateur prognosticators such as myself can learn valuable lessons. After picking the Patriots not to win the East in 2006, I've decided to never not pick the Patriots as long as Tom Brady is wearing the Flying Elvis logo (as deemed so by TMQ of ESPN.com). Last year I was rewarded with a correct Super Bowl pick. However, the Giants snuck in and messed up my chances of picking a correct Superbowl Champion. So, once again we race for 2nd Place.

The Jets now have Brett "Real, Comfortable" Favre. Does this make them contenders? Most seem to think so, but I'm not so sure. He has to learn a new offense and he doesn't exactly have hall of famers out there to throw to. That being said, he didn't have HOFers in Green Bay last year either.

The Dolphins are in a rebuilding phase. The contractor overseeing construction is Bill Parcells, so their future is probably promising. However, their present probably has a lot of caution tape blocking off dangerous, unfinished corridors.

I like the Bills. I think they have a defense that shouldn't blow the game for you, a running back on the rise in Marshawn Lynch, a speedster in Lee Evans who can stretch the field for Trent Edwards and the offense. Their not exactly at four-time Super Bowl loser potential, but maybe one-time playoff game loser potential.

1. New England
2. Buffalo
3. New York
4. Miami

NFC EAST:

Now for the division that probably should be home to my favorite team. I grew up in Texas. Pretty much everyone I know is a Cowboys fan. Yet, somehow, I managed to become a Bengals fan...go figure. Anywho, as I said at the top of these predictions, this division has the most positive question marks. What I mean by that is every team stands to look pretty good this year. Can Jason Campbell step up and lead the Redskins to the title; if Donovan McNabb plays a full season, how good can the Eagles be; plus, how good can Brian Westbrook be; how good can Marion Barber be as the featured back; do Tony Romo and Terrell "Eldorado" Owens need a coverage drawing receiver; can the Giants repeat and will Eli Manning perform better with a ring on his finger (wedding and Superbowl)?

For the most part, I think you have to lean Cowboys in this division, though. And now that the Giants have lost some of their D-linemen to injury and retirement can they repeat the success of last season? Who knows!? That's why this is so fun!

1. Dallas
2. Philadelphia
3. New York
4. Washington

Now for Playoff Predictions!




Pittsburgh


Indianapolis


New England


San Diego

Wild Cards:


Denver


Buffalo




Green Bay


New Orleans


Seattle


Dallas

Wild Cards:


Philadelphia


New York



It's always tough to guess who might be playing in that final game of the year. Injury bugs bite teams. Some teams underperform. Some teams overperform. Bad weather can affect playoff outcomes. Who knows? But at the end of the day it is my job to look into the future and pick the outcome of the Super Bowl. So, I'm going to safely pick the teams who look the best in each conference.

Dallas Cowboys vs. New England Patriots

The Cowboys seem to be the best team in the NFC if they can get their act together and win a playoff game we'd all appreciate it.

The Patriots lost one game last year. Granted it was the Super Bowl, but seriously, what's changed from last year to this year. Will they win all of their regular season games again? Doubtful. But the champ hasn't been knocked down yet, so I'm sticking with the Pats.

And you're Super Bowl Champions....

Gotta go with the New England Patriots. And for good reason. They're probably a little pissed about last year and Wade Phillips and the Cowboys lack the experience to go to battle against Cheatin' Billy B and the Pissed off Pats.

Remember, if I picked your team to do anything half-way decent this year, be prepared for a long season.

And, Winter, I'm putting you on notice, Stephen Colbert style.