Until He Sang "Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad."
Merry Christmas Everyone!!
Currently, I am two states closer to Texas, hanging out in Tulsa, Oklahoma with all of my side of the family. Well, most of it anyway. And thus far it has been fantastically entertaining. Families can be that way when they all get together.
My brother had knee-surgery on Monday morning. We got here on Monday evening. So half the time has been spent getting his knee in and out of the rehab machine and helping him out with various necessities. Plus we've got him all hopped up on pain pills. No one minds, but we would obviously all rather he be up and running around with all of us. Poor guy has been down and out for the family craziness.
To top it off, Sara, Trait's wife, came down with strep throat just before his surgery. Sara bounced back with a vengeance Tuesday evening, though, which was great since Donald (my step-dad) had promised to take her and Stacie on a shopping spree for their Christmas present. However that left my mom and I as the only two able bodied people there to cook dinner, care for Cale (my one year old nephew) and care for Trait. We got 'er done, though.
And the girls had a great time on their shopping spree. Two days before Christmas, these two ladies went with Donald to the mall and about three hours later returned with the kind of spoils that would take me 2 weeks of shopping to acquire. Nice work, ladies!
Our two dogs are here, too, and at first were quarantined to the backyard. But if you've ever met Reese and Bradie, you know that they don't like to not be around people, and they are very persistent. So after much back door scratching, we've finally quarantined them to the kitchen, where their main jobs are to not get hair on the carpet in the other rooms and to be vacuum cleaners for the kitchen floor.
There is so much food here, that I can't fathom how we could possibly eat it all. Dessert, enchiladas, casseroles, nachos, Little Debbie snacks, fruit, more dessert, chips, steaks, potatoes, turkey, more dessert...if we can all fit through the door to head out it will be a miracle. All the moms (Angie, my mom, and Sara's mom Kelli) have been cooking up a storm. It is a very delicious Christmas.
I've gotten in one game of Scrabble with my mom so far. It was a barn burner, too. We were tied 250-250 with only about 1/4 of the game to go. I ended up winning but only because I was able to land the word "entertain" on a triple word score. We've also played one game of Cranium with the fam, but we have yet to settle that beautiful Island of Catan. Maybe later.
But the funniest part so far is how often we've had to run back and forth to the store. It's just like the Robert Earl Keen song "Merry Christmas from the Family." The first one was a run for ice. I said to Trait, "Hey man, should I get an extension cord, too." He got the joke. If you know the song, you get it, too. Now we've made four or five subsequent trips to the "Kwik Pak Store" to get "some ice and an extension cord."
But we have yet to make Bloody Mary's "because we all want one." We still have one morning left...
It's great to get to be with my whole family on Christmas. I hope you are enjoying your families this Christmas season as well. And we'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas from the Family!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Who Doesn't Love Recess?
Apparently everybody in America.
America declared recess yesterday. And apparently we've been at recess since December of 2007!
But everyone is all like, "Oh no. We're in a recess." and "If we're not in a recess, we're not far from it." and "This recess is really going to hurt my business."
Remember when everyone wanted recess? I mean, in 7th grade once (when recess is supposed to start being a bad thing) we crawled out of the windows to go play Wall Ball and military style basketball when recess was finally offered.
Remember jungle gyms and swing sets and see-saws and football games and freeze tag? Recess is awesome. Why would America not want...hold on a sec.
What's that...? Recess-shun.
Recess-shun?
Same thing right?
No....
Hmmm.....oh....well that kind of changes this post a little.
So, apparently recess and recession are not the same thing. In fact, they are kind of the opposite. Recession is probably more similar with detention. Nobody wants it (except when Zack Morris kept trying to get it because Kelly Kapowski was going to be there.) It's not fun. And you just have to wait it out for 30 minutes to an hour. If this recession is longer than an hour I'm gonna be really pissed. I'm supposed to meet some friends after it to get a coke at Sonic and do the drag.
So, now that we've found ourselves in this detention hall called Recession, what should we do while we're here? Some people have decided to spend the whole hour scheming about how to get out sooner. They're offering bribes of about $750 billion to various school bullies in here with us thinking they can sneak everyone out.
But all that's done is gotten all the bullies in detention riled up and wanting in on the sneak out job. Plus they have to borrow that money from other people not in detention...it's a mess.
Personally, I say we just do our time. Let the clock tick and let's get out of here. But I get the feeling no one else in Recession hall agrees. It seems like everyone wants to find the easy way out. But the bottom line is we're in detention for a reason. Let's do the time and think about what we did wrong and promise never to do it again.
Oh, I forgot, that's called taking responsibility for our actions. People don't do that anymore.
Wait a minute. Two kids in here just agreed with me. One kid named Texas and one kid named South Carolina. Weird parents, I guess. Here's what they had to say:
"Governors Against State Bailouts
Hard to believe, but not everyone in politics wants a free lunch.
By RICK PERRY and MARK SANFORD posted in the Wall Street Journal
As governors and citizens, we've grown increasingly concerned over the past weeks as Washington has thrown bailout after bailout at the national economy with little to show for it.
In the process, the federal government is not only burying future generations under mountains of debt. It is also taking our country in a very dangerous direction -- toward a "bailout mentality" where we look to government rather than ourselves for solutions. We're asking other governors from both sides of the political aisle to join with us in opposing further federal bailout intervention for three reasons.
First, we're crossing the Rubicon with regard to debt.
One fact that's been continually glossed over in the bailout debate is that Washington doesn't have money in hand for any of these proposals. Every penny would be borrowed. Estimates for what the government is willing to spend on bailouts and stimulus efforts for this year reach as much as $7.7 trillion according to Bloomberg.com -- a full half of the United States' yearly economic output.
With all the zeroes in the numbers, it's no wonder Washington politicians have lost track.
That trillion-dollar figure is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to checks written by the federal government that it can't cash. Former U.S. Comptroller General David Walker puts our nation's total debt and unpaid promises, like Social Security, at roughly $52 trillion -- an invisible mortgage of $450,000 on every American household. Borrowing money to "solve" a problem created by too much debt seems odd. And as fiscally conservative Republicans, we take no pleasure in pointing out that many in our own party have been just as complicit in running up the tab as those on the political left.
Second, the bailout mentality threatens Americans' sense of personal responsibility.
In a free-market system, competition and one's own personal stake motivate people to do their best. In this process, the winners create wealth, jobs and new investment, while others go back to the drawing board better prepared to try again.
To an unprecedented degree, government is currently picking winners and losers in the private marketplace, and throwing good money after bad. A prudent investor takes money from low-yield investments and puts them in those that yield better returns. Recent government intervention is doing the opposite -- taking capital generated from productive activities and throwing it at enterprises that in many cases need to reorganize their business model.
Take for example the proposed Big Three auto-maker bailout. We think it's very telling that each of the three CEO's flew on their own private jets to Washington to ask for a taxpayer handout. No amount of taxpayer largess could fix a business culture so fundamentally flawed.
Third, we'd ask the federal government to stop believing it has all the answers.
Our Founding Fathers were clear and deliberate in setting up a system whereby the federal government would only step in for that which states cannot do themselves. An expansionist federal government of the last century has moved us light-years away from that model, but it doesn't mean that Congress can't learn from states that are coming up with solutions that work.
In Texas and South Carolina, we've focused on improving "soil conditions" for businesses by cutting taxes, reforming our legal system and our workers' compensation system. We'd humbly suggest that Congress take a page from those playbooks by focusing on targeted tax relief paid for by cutting spending, not by borrowing.
In the rush to do "something" to help, federal leaders would be wise to take a line from the Hippocratic Oath, and pledge to do no (more) harm to our country's finances. We can weather this storm if we commit to fiscal prudence and hold true to the values of individual freedom and responsibility that made our nation great.
Mr. Perry, a Republican, is the governor of Texas. Mr. Sanford, a Republican, is the governor of South Carolina."
I kinda like these kids, Texas and South Carolina. Maybe we'll finally start to wait this little setback out after all. And while we're in here maybe we can catch up on some schoolwork and learn how to not get sent here again.
America declared recess yesterday. And apparently we've been at recess since December of 2007!
But everyone is all like, "Oh no. We're in a recess." and "If we're not in a recess, we're not far from it." and "This recess is really going to hurt my business."
Remember when everyone wanted recess? I mean, in 7th grade once (when recess is supposed to start being a bad thing) we crawled out of the windows to go play Wall Ball and military style basketball when recess was finally offered.Remember jungle gyms and swing sets and see-saws and football games and freeze tag? Recess is awesome. Why would America not want...hold on a sec.
What's that...? Recess-shun.
Recess-shun?
Same thing right?
No....
Hmmm.....oh....well that kind of changes this post a little.
So, apparently recess and recession are not the same thing. In fact, they are kind of the opposite. Recession is probably more similar with detention. Nobody wants it (except when Zack Morris kept trying to get it because Kelly Kapowski was going to be there.) It's not fun. And you just have to wait it out for 30 minutes to an hour. If this recession is longer than an hour I'm gonna be really pissed. I'm supposed to meet some friends after it to get a coke at Sonic and do the drag.
So, now that we've found ourselves in this detention hall called Recession, what should we do while we're here? Some people have decided to spend the whole hour scheming about how to get out sooner. They're offering bribes of about $750 billion to various school bullies in here with us thinking they can sneak everyone out.
But all that's done is gotten all the bullies in detention riled up and wanting in on the sneak out job. Plus they have to borrow that money from other people not in detention...it's a mess.
Personally, I say we just do our time. Let the clock tick and let's get out of here. But I get the feeling no one else in Recession hall agrees. It seems like everyone wants to find the easy way out. But the bottom line is we're in detention for a reason. Let's do the time and think about what we did wrong and promise never to do it again.
Oh, I forgot, that's called taking responsibility for our actions. People don't do that anymore.
Wait a minute. Two kids in here just agreed with me. One kid named Texas and one kid named South Carolina. Weird parents, I guess. Here's what they had to say:
"Governors Against State Bailouts
Hard to believe, but not everyone in politics wants a free lunch.
By RICK PERRY and MARK SANFORD posted in the Wall Street Journal
As governors and citizens, we've grown increasingly concerned over the past weeks as Washington has thrown bailout after bailout at the national economy with little to show for it.
In the process, the federal government is not only burying future generations under mountains of debt. It is also taking our country in a very dangerous direction -- toward a "bailout mentality" where we look to government rather than ourselves for solutions. We're asking other governors from both sides of the political aisle to join with us in opposing further federal bailout intervention for three reasons.
First, we're crossing the Rubicon with regard to debt.
One fact that's been continually glossed over in the bailout debate is that Washington doesn't have money in hand for any of these proposals. Every penny would be borrowed. Estimates for what the government is willing to spend on bailouts and stimulus efforts for this year reach as much as $7.7 trillion according to Bloomberg.com -- a full half of the United States' yearly economic output.
With all the zeroes in the numbers, it's no wonder Washington politicians have lost track.
That trillion-dollar figure is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to checks written by the federal government that it can't cash. Former U.S. Comptroller General David Walker puts our nation's total debt and unpaid promises, like Social Security, at roughly $52 trillion -- an invisible mortgage of $450,000 on every American household. Borrowing money to "solve" a problem created by too much debt seems odd. And as fiscally conservative Republicans, we take no pleasure in pointing out that many in our own party have been just as complicit in running up the tab as those on the political left.
Second, the bailout mentality threatens Americans' sense of personal responsibility.
In a free-market system, competition and one's own personal stake motivate people to do their best. In this process, the winners create wealth, jobs and new investment, while others go back to the drawing board better prepared to try again.
To an unprecedented degree, government is currently picking winners and losers in the private marketplace, and throwing good money after bad. A prudent investor takes money from low-yield investments and puts them in those that yield better returns. Recent government intervention is doing the opposite -- taking capital generated from productive activities and throwing it at enterprises that in many cases need to reorganize their business model.
Take for example the proposed Big Three auto-maker bailout. We think it's very telling that each of the three CEO's flew on their own private jets to Washington to ask for a taxpayer handout. No amount of taxpayer largess could fix a business culture so fundamentally flawed.
Third, we'd ask the federal government to stop believing it has all the answers.
Our Founding Fathers were clear and deliberate in setting up a system whereby the federal government would only step in for that which states cannot do themselves. An expansionist federal government of the last century has moved us light-years away from that model, but it doesn't mean that Congress can't learn from states that are coming up with solutions that work.
In Texas and South Carolina, we've focused on improving "soil conditions" for businesses by cutting taxes, reforming our legal system and our workers' compensation system. We'd humbly suggest that Congress take a page from those playbooks by focusing on targeted tax relief paid for by cutting spending, not by borrowing.
In the rush to do "something" to help, federal leaders would be wise to take a line from the Hippocratic Oath, and pledge to do no (more) harm to our country's finances. We can weather this storm if we commit to fiscal prudence and hold true to the values of individual freedom and responsibility that made our nation great.
Mr. Perry, a Republican, is the governor of Texas. Mr. Sanford, a Republican, is the governor of South Carolina."I kinda like these kids, Texas and South Carolina. Maybe we'll finally start to wait this little setback out after all. And while we're in here maybe we can catch up on some schoolwork and learn how to not get sent here again.
But until then, I'm gonna go see if I can find Kelly. I heard she got framed so she'd have to serve detention with us and she's rockin' some awesome early '9os flowery pants...yowza.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Fightin' Texas Aggie Repost
So, it's Thanksgiving Day and Stacie and I are serving dinner to some friends of ours that are stranded here in Chi-town with us over the holiday. I wanted to post something for those of you who may be bored at your parents' house and are checking every site that you know to pass the time. But since we are cleaning and cooking, the best I can do is revisit a post of Thanksgiving past. 2006 to be precise. Oh and as for the title, when you do something over and you went to Texas A&M, it should be called a "Fightin' Texas Aggie Re-fill in the blank." Rebag if you're going back to bed. Retake if you dropped a course. Rebeer if you need another beer. Re-anything really.
So for your reading pleasure a Fightin' Texas Aggie Repost:
WHO GIVES YOU THE BIRD ON THANKSGIVING?
And I'm not talking about your grandma serving you some delicious turkey either.
I'm talking about driving down the road on Thanks-freaking-giving Day and getting the bird from two dudes in a pickup. Not kids either. One was no less than 45. The other, no less than 60.
Let me take you back there with me. (Do that Wayne's World thing with your hands and make that "doo-dee-doo, doo-dee doo" noise now, please.)
So, I'm driving to my Aunt Nedra's to see my dad's side of the family for Thanksgiving. We got up early that morning, took the dogs to Carrollton and now it's about 8:30 AM, and we are cruising.
The next thing you know there is a cop on the side of the road with someone pulled over. (Now keep in mind...I am not speeding. Been busted for that twice this year already, so I posess extra motivation to drive the speed limit.)
So, what do people do when they see a cop? They all slow way down and get in the lane opposite where he has someone pulled over. So far so good. We all move to the left lane. Then, when you pass by the cop you resume your normal speed.
Here's where our story takes a foul turn. Pun intended.
Everyone but a truck two spots ahead of me speeds up. I can see this guy is on his phone. No big deal if you don't want to speed up, but pull to the right if you're going to go 57 in a 70. He never moves, so the car in front of me begins to pass him on the right.
I think to myself, "Okay...I'll do that, too."
The only problem is that when this guy realizes he's only going 57 and he's being passed on the right he decides to speed up. At this point I am ahead of him, but not so far ahead as to make the safest move into his lane. I see I am coming very quickly upon the truck ahead of me. What to do?
No way am I not getting in here. This dudes just being a jerk now that he knows he's getting passed. So I mash it and slide in between him and the truck, with plenty of room to spare, but I'm sure Mr. Indecisive had to put the brakes on.
Well, now Mr. Indecisive is very decisive. He decides to ride my tail as close as he can. His truck is slightly larger than mine, but I'm not intimidated. I do however decide that if he wants to speed, I'll let him by.
So I get around the semi beside me and pull to the right. He begins to pass me, but instead of passing on by, slows to my speed so we are even and issues his unseasonal gesture. Along with his old man in the seat next to him.
I'm pretty shocked, but pretend not to see it. Don't want to give them any pleasure, you know?
The car behind us saw it, though. And then they speed up to us and in an effort to make sure we see it, proceed to return the same gesture to the men in the pickup as they pass them...on the right.
We soon enter a construction zone so I have to follow behind these guys for miles. 68S-MJ2. 68S-MJ2.
When we leave the construction zone, these men have forgotten, once again, the speed limit, but they are at least on the right side of the road. As I speed up to 70 again, I slide by them and never glance their way. Like I never even noticed their unseemly act.
On Thanksgiving Day.
So for your reading pleasure a Fightin' Texas Aggie Repost:
WHO GIVES YOU THE BIRD ON THANKSGIVING?
And I'm not talking about your grandma serving you some delicious turkey either.
I'm talking about driving down the road on Thanks-freaking-giving Day and getting the bird from two dudes in a pickup. Not kids either. One was no less than 45. The other, no less than 60.
Let me take you back there with me. (Do that Wayne's World thing with your hands and make that "doo-dee-doo, doo-dee doo" noise now, please.)
So, I'm driving to my Aunt Nedra's to see my dad's side of the family for Thanksgiving. We got up early that morning, took the dogs to Carrollton and now it's about 8:30 AM, and we are cruising.
The next thing you know there is a cop on the side of the road with someone pulled over. (Now keep in mind...I am not speeding. Been busted for that twice this year already, so I posess extra motivation to drive the speed limit.)
So, what do people do when they see a cop? They all slow way down and get in the lane opposite where he has someone pulled over. So far so good. We all move to the left lane. Then, when you pass by the cop you resume your normal speed.
Here's where our story takes a foul turn. Pun intended.
Everyone but a truck two spots ahead of me speeds up. I can see this guy is on his phone. No big deal if you don't want to speed up, but pull to the right if you're going to go 57 in a 70. He never moves, so the car in front of me begins to pass him on the right.
I think to myself, "Okay...I'll do that, too."
The only problem is that when this guy realizes he's only going 57 and he's being passed on the right he decides to speed up. At this point I am ahead of him, but not so far ahead as to make the safest move into his lane. I see I am coming very quickly upon the truck ahead of me. What to do?
No way am I not getting in here. This dudes just being a jerk now that he knows he's getting passed. So I mash it and slide in between him and the truck, with plenty of room to spare, but I'm sure Mr. Indecisive had to put the brakes on.
Well, now Mr. Indecisive is very decisive. He decides to ride my tail as close as he can. His truck is slightly larger than mine, but I'm not intimidated. I do however decide that if he wants to speed, I'll let him by.
So I get around the semi beside me and pull to the right. He begins to pass me, but instead of passing on by, slows to my speed so we are even and issues his unseasonal gesture. Along with his old man in the seat next to him.
I'm pretty shocked, but pretend not to see it. Don't want to give them any pleasure, you know?
The car behind us saw it, though. And then they speed up to us and in an effort to make sure we see it, proceed to return the same gesture to the men in the pickup as they pass them...on the right.
We soon enter a construction zone so I have to follow behind these guys for miles. 68S-MJ2. 68S-MJ2.
When we leave the construction zone, these men have forgotten, once again, the speed limit, but they are at least on the right side of the road. As I speed up to 70 again, I slide by them and never glance their way. Like I never even noticed their unseemly act.
On Thanksgiving Day.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Movember
I just learned of Movember a few days ago. It's like November, but with an "M." I'm sure y'all already made that connection, though.
I'm gonna keep this short and sweet...I'm growing a mustache to help raise money and awareness about men's health issues, mainly prostate cancer.
I'm going to look ridiculous, I realize this. But if by looking ridiculous for a month, I can get a few bucks raised to fight prostate cancer...well, so be it. Just try to take me serious throughout this process. I'll be taking and uploading pics as the process completes itself.
Now here's the crazy part: our team, 'Stache Away Cancer is trying to raise $100,000 for this cause. Wow, you say. That's a pretty lofty goal considering there are just two of you on the team right now. Yes, that's true. But here are the two reasons you should drop us a little coin and pass this along to anyone you know to help us out:
A) That's a lot of cancer researching.
B) My friend Justin can't grow a mustache. So, he always wears a fake one at Halloween (or other times...) and sometimes we get him to do this when we've been bouncing around a few German establishments drinking from a boot:
Or this:
Stacie designed that one.
Justin is still doing his part, trying to grow a 'stache, but not to much avail. What he has agreed to do, however, if we are to raise $100,000 is:
TATOO A MUSTACHE ON HIS FINGER!
That's right! If we can raise $100,000 he will never be 'stacheless. So that's two great causes in one!
Let's do this people, yes to fight prostate cancer, but also to always be able to take pictures like this:
So if you have $5 or $5,000 you'd like to contribute to this cause just click this link:
https://www.movember.com/us/donate/donate-details.php?action=sponsorlink®o=2101556&country=us
If you have no money, please pass this along to your friends and family with money.
Or join our team by emailing Cory Minton at cminton@luciditycg.com.
If you have no money and love cancer, don't do anything at all.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
That's One, Mr. Obama
Not yet even inaugurated and the Obama Administration has already affected my life in a negative way.
I've read plenty this morning touting the historical significance of the moment and how whether we agree with Obama's policies or not, his administration could be a good thing for the country. Well, since I was probably the first person to be touched in a personal way, I feel I must share.
You may have noticed last night that there was a huge rally for Obama in Grant Park in downtown Chicago. You may have also noticed that I live in Chicago. You may have also noticed that yesterday was a Tuesday. And it might also have come to your attention in previous posts that I play flag football on Tuesday nights.
You see where I'm going here?
I lost my football game last night.
Big time.
Obama had the audacity (see how I flipped it on him) to schedule his big rally on a Tuesday night in Chicago and managed to swipe several of my fellow football players to come "support" him. As if he needed more support. You know what I needed? More football players!!
So what did I do? I grabbed a couple of guys I'd never met before who had just finished up a game and practically begged them to help us have enough people to field a team.
Mr. Obama, I laid down my dignity in an effort to win a football game because of you.
Have you ever tried to win a flag football game with your own team let alone a hodgepodge group?
Well, I tried. We were out of sync. We couldn't protect the quarterback. We couldn't cover their receivers.
Sure you could blame this on our athletic ability or the fact that we don't have a great playbook.
But why take responsibility for this loss myself when I know good and well that the President of the United States is supposed to do everything in his power to ensure I am successful.
And that would include moving his rally to Wednesday night. Or maybe even doing it earlier in the day to get it out of the way. We all knew who was gonna win this thing anyway. Get your celebratin' done so I can have a full team!
That's one, Obama.
Don't make me get to three.
I've read plenty this morning touting the historical significance of the moment and how whether we agree with Obama's policies or not, his administration could be a good thing for the country. Well, since I was probably the first person to be touched in a personal way, I feel I must share.
You may have noticed last night that there was a huge rally for Obama in Grant Park in downtown Chicago. You may have also noticed that I live in Chicago. You may have also noticed that yesterday was a Tuesday. And it might also have come to your attention in previous posts that I play flag football on Tuesday nights.
You see where I'm going here?
I lost my football game last night.
Big time.
Obama had the audacity (see how I flipped it on him) to schedule his big rally on a Tuesday night in Chicago and managed to swipe several of my fellow football players to come "support" him. As if he needed more support. You know what I needed? More football players!!
So what did I do? I grabbed a couple of guys I'd never met before who had just finished up a game and practically begged them to help us have enough people to field a team.
Mr. Obama, I laid down my dignity in an effort to win a football game because of you.
Have you ever tried to win a flag football game with your own team let alone a hodgepodge group?
Well, I tried. We were out of sync. We couldn't protect the quarterback. We couldn't cover their receivers.
Sure you could blame this on our athletic ability or the fact that we don't have a great playbook.
But why take responsibility for this loss myself when I know good and well that the President of the United States is supposed to do everything in his power to ensure I am successful.
And that would include moving his rally to Wednesday night. Or maybe even doing it earlier in the day to get it out of the way. We all knew who was gonna win this thing anyway. Get your celebratin' done so I can have a full team!
That's one, Obama.
Don't make me get to three.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Man Moments
For some reason yesterday morning, I thought back to a time in college. I'm not entirely sure what caused this momentary flashback, but it was there.
"Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear." Empire Records. Anybody?
Anywho. So, I was taken back to a night during my junior year standing outside of a friend's house. We had just finished with a meeting for an organization when one of the guys there said his truck wouldn't start. Naturally, all of the men began to walk that direction to assess the situation. Usually my assessment would go something like this:
"Pop the hood."
hood pops open
"Yep. That's an engine."
looks a little closer
"Something's keeping that thing from turning on."
closes hood
However, that night as he turned the key, I heard a familiar sound. I knew what was wrong. I knew what was wrong.
Anybody got a screwdriver, I ask. Next thing I know, screwdriver in hand, I crawl underneath the truck, locate the starter and begin tapping on it. He turns the key and the engine comes to life.
I tell him that his starter is failing and that he should probably get that taken care of soon. He drives away probably thinking I'm a car genius. That's not true in the slightest. I've just come across starter related issues before and was in the right place at the right time.
But here's what I was thinking about: that made me feel like such a stud. Manly, you know? I mean, c'mon, crawling under a pickup and fixing a mechanical problem. It felt good.
I think we need that as men. Those moments when we totally come through in a traditionally manly way. That's not to say that a woman couldn't do what I did. Heck, I guarantee you that my cousin Kelli knows much more about the inner workings of an engine than I do, but my point is men need to have manly moments.
Which leads me to last night.
I find three things curious about what led to the events of last night:
1) The story I just told you about remembering feeling particularly manly.
2) The fact that I was unusually careful about which shirt I chose to wear to my flag football game last night. Selecting one, that I knew I could sort of replace if I chose to do so.
3) The fact that I had just had a conversation with my sales manager about how it takes a bit longer to recover from sports injuries than it did a few years ago.
So, last night I head to my football game a little more pumped than usual. Why? Because I was playing quarterback.
I hadn't played a game at QB since I've moved to Chicago. The team I found to play on was already assembled and already has their quarterback, and he does a good job. It just so happens that he couldn't make the game last night, so I nominated myself for the job of fill-in. I was pumped up, but also nervous because I wanted to make a good impression and win the game, so I was hoping the rust wasn't too thick.
The first drive was awesome. We moved the ball right down the field and scored a touchdown. That definitely calmed the nerves a little.
Sadly, the next drive I threw a pick six. Underthrowing my intended target on a short flag route (the receiver runs straight and then breaks at an angle toward the sideline.)
To get you to the point of this story quickly, a blown call cost us one touchdown (as I was reaching the ball across the goal line the defender hacked my arm causing me to fumble; attempting to strip the football isn't legal in flag but it went uncalled). And their only offensive score came on a deep pass against one of our more reliable defenders (fluke.)
Fast forward to the last few minutes. We're down 14-6 and we're driving. We were fired up and wanted to win this game. I had found some success running the football when the coverage was good, so with about 30 seconds left in the game and us driving I decided to take off.
I slip through a couple of defenders, and as I approach another I decide to spin and hope that keeps him from pulling my flags.
And that's when the lights went out.
Next thing I know, I 'm on the ground. I remember spinning. I remember a flash of pain. And what sounded in my head like a car crashing.
My hands are on my face. Blood is on my hands. Stars are in my head.
Slowly everything starts to settle down. I know that the refs have stopped the game. Someone says there are nineteen seconds left.
I sit up. Then I stand up, wiping blood on my shirt. My carefully chosen shirt. The tears from the initial impact have faded away. I can see pretty clearly. My face hurts, but other than that, I'm okay.
The refs are pulling me off the field. My team is finding a QB.
"I can play," I tell no one in particular. "I'm gonna play."
"No. You have to see the medic," says the ref. "Lie down here. Tilt your head back."
I do as he says. He tells me the medic is right over there, and I should go see him.
"Tell him to come here, " I say.
He goes and gets the medic. I stand up as he comes over.
"Oh...,"he says. "Let's see. Yeah. That's broken. Here's an ice pack and here's..."
"Can I play?" I interrupt. "There's nineteen seconds left. Then I'll be right back here to see you."
"I guess. Are you sure you want to?"
I go back on the field. The team had already sorted out the new positions, but I tell them I'm good; let's finish this.
*I must note here that my friend Cory Minton did attempt to get me to go and sit down and not play. (This should keep him in slightly less hot water with Stacie for not stopping me.)
We're about 16 or 17 yards from the end zone at this point. On the very first play with my new look nose, I attempt a pass but get hammered by the defensive lineman who was rushing.
In flag football.
No sympathy on this field tonight. The clock stops for the penalty.
12 seconds left.
Incomplete pass. Clock stops.
5 seconds left. Last chance.
I drop back. I look right and as I my eyes scan to the other side of the field I see a hole opening up and my receiver, Chris Bartas, moving right towards it. I throw. He catches.
Touch. Down.
14-12.
Sadly, we don't convert the two-point try, so the story ends with a loss. But I have to be honest with you. That was a moment that I felt like a man. Throwing a pontentially game tying touchdown with a broken nose. How many people have done that?
I don't tell you this story to boast in our near comeback. I don't tell you this story to let you know that I am now the proud owner of a broken nose (though some of you probably need to know that, so, hey I broke my nose).
No, I tell you this story because as men, we need to take opportunities to feel like men. We need to remind ourselves that being a man has nothing to do with the losers we see portrayed in modern sitcoms. Or the losers we see in modern advertising who can only be motivated if the end result includes beer, TV or women.
There are the everyday moments when we can achieve this feeling. And then there are the bigger moments that come around less frequently.
It was as if throughout the day, I was being prepared for my mid-sized man moment and the backstory for this post. And it felt good to step up to the challenge. I encourage you to do likewise.
"Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear." Empire Records. Anybody?
Anywho. So, I was taken back to a night during my junior year standing outside of a friend's house. We had just finished with a meeting for an organization when one of the guys there said his truck wouldn't start. Naturally, all of the men began to walk that direction to assess the situation. Usually my assessment would go something like this:
"Pop the hood."
hood pops open
"Yep. That's an engine."
looks a little closer
"Something's keeping that thing from turning on."
closes hood
However, that night as he turned the key, I heard a familiar sound. I knew what was wrong. I knew what was wrong.
Anybody got a screwdriver, I ask. Next thing I know, screwdriver in hand, I crawl underneath the truck, locate the starter and begin tapping on it. He turns the key and the engine comes to life.
I tell him that his starter is failing and that he should probably get that taken care of soon. He drives away probably thinking I'm a car genius. That's not true in the slightest. I've just come across starter related issues before and was in the right place at the right time.
But here's what I was thinking about: that made me feel like such a stud. Manly, you know? I mean, c'mon, crawling under a pickup and fixing a mechanical problem. It felt good.
I think we need that as men. Those moments when we totally come through in a traditionally manly way. That's not to say that a woman couldn't do what I did. Heck, I guarantee you that my cousin Kelli knows much more about the inner workings of an engine than I do, but my point is men need to have manly moments.
Which leads me to last night.
I find three things curious about what led to the events of last night:
1) The story I just told you about remembering feeling particularly manly.
2) The fact that I was unusually careful about which shirt I chose to wear to my flag football game last night. Selecting one, that I knew I could sort of replace if I chose to do so.
3) The fact that I had just had a conversation with my sales manager about how it takes a bit longer to recover from sports injuries than it did a few years ago.
So, last night I head to my football game a little more pumped than usual. Why? Because I was playing quarterback.
I hadn't played a game at QB since I've moved to Chicago. The team I found to play on was already assembled and already has their quarterback, and he does a good job. It just so happens that he couldn't make the game last night, so I nominated myself for the job of fill-in. I was pumped up, but also nervous because I wanted to make a good impression and win the game, so I was hoping the rust wasn't too thick.
The first drive was awesome. We moved the ball right down the field and scored a touchdown. That definitely calmed the nerves a little.
Sadly, the next drive I threw a pick six. Underthrowing my intended target on a short flag route (the receiver runs straight and then breaks at an angle toward the sideline.)
To get you to the point of this story quickly, a blown call cost us one touchdown (as I was reaching the ball across the goal line the defender hacked my arm causing me to fumble; attempting to strip the football isn't legal in flag but it went uncalled). And their only offensive score came on a deep pass against one of our more reliable defenders (fluke.)
Fast forward to the last few minutes. We're down 14-6 and we're driving. We were fired up and wanted to win this game. I had found some success running the football when the coverage was good, so with about 30 seconds left in the game and us driving I decided to take off.
I slip through a couple of defenders, and as I approach another I decide to spin and hope that keeps him from pulling my flags.
And that's when the lights went out.
Next thing I know, I 'm on the ground. I remember spinning. I remember a flash of pain. And what sounded in my head like a car crashing.
My hands are on my face. Blood is on my hands. Stars are in my head.
Slowly everything starts to settle down. I know that the refs have stopped the game. Someone says there are nineteen seconds left.
I sit up. Then I stand up, wiping blood on my shirt. My carefully chosen shirt. The tears from the initial impact have faded away. I can see pretty clearly. My face hurts, but other than that, I'm okay.
The refs are pulling me off the field. My team is finding a QB.
"I can play," I tell no one in particular. "I'm gonna play."
"No. You have to see the medic," says the ref. "Lie down here. Tilt your head back."
I do as he says. He tells me the medic is right over there, and I should go see him.
"Tell him to come here, " I say.
He goes and gets the medic. I stand up as he comes over.
"Oh...,"he says. "Let's see. Yeah. That's broken. Here's an ice pack and here's..."
"Can I play?" I interrupt. "There's nineteen seconds left. Then I'll be right back here to see you."
"I guess. Are you sure you want to?"
I go back on the field. The team had already sorted out the new positions, but I tell them I'm good; let's finish this.
*I must note here that my friend Cory Minton did attempt to get me to go and sit down and not play. (This should keep him in slightly less hot water with Stacie for not stopping me.)
We're about 16 or 17 yards from the end zone at this point. On the very first play with my new look nose, I attempt a pass but get hammered by the defensive lineman who was rushing.
In flag football.
No sympathy on this field tonight. The clock stops for the penalty.
12 seconds left.
Incomplete pass. Clock stops.
5 seconds left. Last chance.
I drop back. I look right and as I my eyes scan to the other side of the field I see a hole opening up and my receiver, Chris Bartas, moving right towards it. I throw. He catches.
Touch. Down.
14-12.
Sadly, we don't convert the two-point try, so the story ends with a loss. But I have to be honest with you. That was a moment that I felt like a man. Throwing a pontentially game tying touchdown with a broken nose. How many people have done that?
I don't tell you this story to boast in our near comeback. I don't tell you this story to let you know that I am now the proud owner of a broken nose (though some of you probably need to know that, so, hey I broke my nose).
No, I tell you this story because as men, we need to take opportunities to feel like men. We need to remind ourselves that being a man has nothing to do with the losers we see portrayed in modern sitcoms. Or the losers we see in modern advertising who can only be motivated if the end result includes beer, TV or women.
There are the everyday moments when we can achieve this feeling. And then there are the bigger moments that come around less frequently.
It was as if throughout the day, I was being prepared for my mid-sized man moment and the backstory for this post. And it felt good to step up to the challenge. I encourage you to do likewise.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Joe the Plumber
I haven’t written much of anything about politics during this emotionally charged political season, and I feel like that has a lot to do with the fact that I’m not impressed by either candidate. Now, I have certain fundamental beliefs which are more represented by one candidate than the other, but at the end of the day I ask myself, "Really, America. This is the best we could come up with?"
So, why am I writing today? Well, they brought one of my own in to the mix. That’s why I felt the need to inject my thoughts into this campaign.
You see, there are many times when I go out in my super stylish 7 jeans or my awesome Buffalo jeans with a cool Jedidiah t-shirt. But inevitably while I’m out something happens.
I flash a little crack.
It used to bother me, but that was until I realized something.
I am ¼ plumber.
Being one quarter plumber is not to be confused with PCS (premature crack syndrome). I have a friend with PCS and it is a serious, often untreatable condition that causes the crack to start a little higher than it should and leads to crack exposure at an above average rate.
That’s not my issue at all. My grandpa on my Dad's side was a plumber. Plus my dad taught me the only two things you have to know to be a plumber: Sh%t flows downhill and payday's Friday. Therefore I’m ¼ plumber. I can’t help but show off the goods every now and then. I’m also ½ roughneck, but that’s for another post.
So, being one quarter plumber, it is my duty as a Plumber-American to comment about my brother Joe’s unusual rise to stardom and subsequent attacking over this past week.
First, for those of you hidden under a giant rock, Joe the Plumber met Barack Obama on the campaign trail and essentially said, "I’m a plumber. I want to buy the plumbing business that I work for, but if I do that it puts me into your category that you’re going to tax at a higher rate making it harder for me to be successful. Why are you going to do this?" Obviously this is not word for word, so here’s the link to the clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baIFocVnJpc
Notice that Obama says at the end of the clip:
"When you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody."
Joe the Plumber has not said who he is voting for, but the attempts to tarnish this man’s character are everywhere. In fact, just this morning the Chicago Tribune website’s main page had a link that read:
"Joe the Plumber’s Story Has Some Cracks."
Perhaps some headline writer just couldn’t resist the chance to print that lead and had to dig up some dirt on this man (I can’t fully blame them for that), but it seems this man is being taken to task to discredit him. That’s fine. If Joe the Plumber isn’t all he’s "cracked" up to be, I think it’s okay if we get to the bottom of that.
There's also stories out about how he isn't a licensed plumber, owes back taxes, couldn't make $250,000 in a year selling toliets made of solid gold and now SNL is going to do a skit this weekend about how Joe the Plumber is actually John McCain's made-up invisible friend (that's kinda funny).
But the real story here should not be Joe. I don’t care if Joe was a Republican plant who really makes $10 Gazillion a year and had to look plumber up in the dictionary to find out what a plumber actually does, and I also wouldn't care if he was on the cover of Plumbing and Mechanical Magazine (the dream of every plumber, my grandad was on it twice, the first time in the latter part of '36).
The real story should be that Barack Obama’s policies align more closely with Marxism and Communism than they do capitalism. This is not the first time Obama has let on that he prefers a more "fair" socialist system, but this is the most publicized.
Like, Joe the Plumber, my vote is between me and the ballot box, but if you know anything about me and you read this piece you probably have an idea which way I’m leaning. I don’t point these things out about Obama to get everyone to vote for John McCain. As I stated in the beginning I’m not so crazy in love with Johnny Mac either. And I think both men will have a tough row to hoe (or pipe to snake, to keep my references in sync) come inauguration time, and I’d be surprised to see either one of them make it to a second term.
I point this out because I want as many people as possible to understand that Obama believes in some economic policies that are scary to me. I believe that if you work hard for something you deserve to keep it. America is the land of opportunity even in her worst economic moments. If you work hard, save more and spend less, you'll find yourself in a great economic situation in no time.
If you believe that our country would be better off with a more Marxist form of economic policy, then Obama is your man. But if captialism is your bag baby, well, John McCain will have to do for now. Until 2012 when my man Joe the Plumber "cracks" his way into the race.
I’m sorry. I can’t help myself.
So, why am I writing today? Well, they brought one of my own in to the mix. That’s why I felt the need to inject my thoughts into this campaign.
You see, there are many times when I go out in my super stylish 7 jeans or my awesome Buffalo jeans with a cool Jedidiah t-shirt. But inevitably while I’m out something happens.
I flash a little crack.
It used to bother me, but that was until I realized something.
I am ¼ plumber.
Being one quarter plumber is not to be confused with PCS (premature crack syndrome). I have a friend with PCS and it is a serious, often untreatable condition that causes the crack to start a little higher than it should and leads to crack exposure at an above average rate.
That’s not my issue at all. My grandpa on my Dad's side was a plumber. Plus my dad taught me the only two things you have to know to be a plumber: Sh%t flows downhill and payday's Friday. Therefore I’m ¼ plumber. I can’t help but show off the goods every now and then. I’m also ½ roughneck, but that’s for another post.
So, being one quarter plumber, it is my duty as a Plumber-American to comment about my brother Joe’s unusual rise to stardom and subsequent attacking over this past week.
First, for those of you hidden under a giant rock, Joe the Plumber met Barack Obama on the campaign trail and essentially said, "I’m a plumber. I want to buy the plumbing business that I work for, but if I do that it puts me into your category that you’re going to tax at a higher rate making it harder for me to be successful. Why are you going to do this?" Obviously this is not word for word, so here’s the link to the clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baIFocVnJpc
Notice that Obama says at the end of the clip:
"When you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody."
Joe the Plumber has not said who he is voting for, but the attempts to tarnish this man’s character are everywhere. In fact, just this morning the Chicago Tribune website’s main page had a link that read:
"Joe the Plumber’s Story Has Some Cracks."
Perhaps some headline writer just couldn’t resist the chance to print that lead and had to dig up some dirt on this man (I can’t fully blame them for that), but it seems this man is being taken to task to discredit him. That’s fine. If Joe the Plumber isn’t all he’s "cracked" up to be, I think it’s okay if we get to the bottom of that.
There's also stories out about how he isn't a licensed plumber, owes back taxes, couldn't make $250,000 in a year selling toliets made of solid gold and now SNL is going to do a skit this weekend about how Joe the Plumber is actually John McCain's made-up invisible friend (that's kinda funny).
But the real story here should not be Joe. I don’t care if Joe was a Republican plant who really makes $10 Gazillion a year and had to look plumber up in the dictionary to find out what a plumber actually does, and I also wouldn't care if he was on the cover of Plumbing and Mechanical Magazine (the dream of every plumber, my grandad was on it twice, the first time in the latter part of '36).
The real story should be that Barack Obama’s policies align more closely with Marxism and Communism than they do capitalism. This is not the first time Obama has let on that he prefers a more "fair" socialist system, but this is the most publicized.
Like, Joe the Plumber, my vote is between me and the ballot box, but if you know anything about me and you read this piece you probably have an idea which way I’m leaning. I don’t point these things out about Obama to get everyone to vote for John McCain. As I stated in the beginning I’m not so crazy in love with Johnny Mac either. And I think both men will have a tough row to hoe (or pipe to snake, to keep my references in sync) come inauguration time, and I’d be surprised to see either one of them make it to a second term.
I point this out because I want as many people as possible to understand that Obama believes in some economic policies that are scary to me. I believe that if you work hard for something you deserve to keep it. America is the land of opportunity even in her worst economic moments. If you work hard, save more and spend less, you'll find yourself in a great economic situation in no time.
If you believe that our country would be better off with a more Marxist form of economic policy, then Obama is your man. But if captialism is your bag baby, well, John McCain will have to do for now. Until 2012 when my man Joe the Plumber "cracks" his way into the race.
I’m sorry. I can’t help myself.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Last Last Time
Remember when you first got the Internet? I don't, exactly, but I remember getting my first email address. And I know it must've been my senior year of high school (1997-98) because of my desire to be tyger35.
You see, 35 didn't become my football number until that year. I played center in 7th, 8th and 9th grade and wore number 51, that being an ineligible number, of course. Then in 10th grade, my buddy Robert and I made the varsity squad, Coach Fryer got us confused and they put Robert at center and me at guard/tackle depending on where the linebackers lined up (I was faster than other guard/tackles so I would chase down and block linebackers or pull to open up holes.) We just went with it and didn't find out until after the season that he thought he had us in our correct positions all along.
I had to do a number change that year, too, because they ordered new uniforms for the varsity team and didn't order a number 51. So I went with 55.
In a game during my junior season, playing guard/tackle I pulled on one play to kick out the end and open up the hole for the running back. Well, I knocked my guy down and our RB went through the hole. I got off of the ground and proceeded to chase our RB down, pass him about 30 yards downfield and block another guy. Coach saw that on tape and said he didn't realize I was that fast.
So, my senior year they moved me to fullback/tight end so I needed an eligible number. And 35 it was. Turns out I also played some O line that year when some injuries hit us and I also wore 52, but mostly I wore 35. For the most part, I played defensive end and not much offense.
Wow. And that detour was totally not what I sat down to write. But that is how I know exactly when my first email address was created.
Soon after that, however, I realized that I would need an address that was somewhat more professional for college entry information and soon after that resumes and job offers.
So I got tythompson at the same domain.
And somehow that email became my spammy, business email that I hate to look at. My tyger35 email is fun-loving, laid back and can often be seen downing a Shiner. Not tythompson, though. But it's not his fault. He's sick. And today I have decided to take back my email account. I got on tonight and had just over 3000 unread messages in my inbox (most spam) and then another 1900 in my spam folder (delete.) I've tried to do this before, but today I'm going to win this inbox back.
So, I went through all 3000 messages (because sadly, important emails still head to this account, so I have to screen them to make sure I don't delete something important.) It's been a daunting task that I've put off for a while now, but I am now going to log into this account each day and unsubscribe to anything that needs unsubscribing to and report as spam anything that needs reporting.
But I thought I'd share some of the fun stuff I noticed this evening with you. Obviously I got all of the emails about growing my man-parts, the poor souls in Africa who can't get to their money without my help and so on. But here are the special ones that I feel like you can only get if you neglect an email account for at least 3 years:
Apparently FUNKYDANKISGREAT tried to sign me up for a YouTube account.
There is a website out there called Free Rub that tries to hook people up to give massages to each other...yeah right.
I apparently am a perfect candidate for cooking school, obtaining a nursing degree, pursuing a career in writing, teaching abroad or becoming a medical transcriptionist. Wait a minute...that last one might make a dream of mine come true. I'm gonna go get that one out of the trash.
Brian Coleman wants to let me know that voice rehearsal lessons are cancelled this week. He must've heard me sing.
Tyeisha Thompson has photos waiting for her at Sears.
I've just won a free Wal-Mart Gift Card!!! My lucky day!!!
Katie Weese sent me an evite to her summer kick-off party. I don't even know Katie Weese, so that was very nice of her. What a cool chick. I clicked on the evite and it turns out I had been removed from the guest list. Tramp. I knew I couldn't trust her.
Burt Chevrolet in Englewood, CO thanks me for my business. I don't know about you, but Burt's our code word for danger.
Awesomeness. Plain and simple. Tomorrow I begin the reclamation project. Hopefully for the last time. Wish me luck.
You see, 35 didn't become my football number until that year. I played center in 7th, 8th and 9th grade and wore number 51, that being an ineligible number, of course. Then in 10th grade, my buddy Robert and I made the varsity squad, Coach Fryer got us confused and they put Robert at center and me at guard/tackle depending on where the linebackers lined up (I was faster than other guard/tackles so I would chase down and block linebackers or pull to open up holes.) We just went with it and didn't find out until after the season that he thought he had us in our correct positions all along.
I had to do a number change that year, too, because they ordered new uniforms for the varsity team and didn't order a number 51. So I went with 55.
In a game during my junior season, playing guard/tackle I pulled on one play to kick out the end and open up the hole for the running back. Well, I knocked my guy down and our RB went through the hole. I got off of the ground and proceeded to chase our RB down, pass him about 30 yards downfield and block another guy. Coach saw that on tape and said he didn't realize I was that fast.
So, my senior year they moved me to fullback/tight end so I needed an eligible number. And 35 it was. Turns out I also played some O line that year when some injuries hit us and I also wore 52, but mostly I wore 35. For the most part, I played defensive end and not much offense.
Wow. And that detour was totally not what I sat down to write. But that is how I know exactly when my first email address was created.
Soon after that, however, I realized that I would need an address that was somewhat more professional for college entry information and soon after that resumes and job offers.
So I got tythompson at the same domain.
And somehow that email became my spammy, business email that I hate to look at. My tyger35 email is fun-loving, laid back and can often be seen downing a Shiner. Not tythompson, though. But it's not his fault. He's sick. And today I have decided to take back my email account. I got on tonight and had just over 3000 unread messages in my inbox (most spam) and then another 1900 in my spam folder (delete.) I've tried to do this before, but today I'm going to win this inbox back.
So, I went through all 3000 messages (because sadly, important emails still head to this account, so I have to screen them to make sure I don't delete something important.) It's been a daunting task that I've put off for a while now, but I am now going to log into this account each day and unsubscribe to anything that needs unsubscribing to and report as spam anything that needs reporting.
But I thought I'd share some of the fun stuff I noticed this evening with you. Obviously I got all of the emails about growing my man-parts, the poor souls in Africa who can't get to their money without my help and so on. But here are the special ones that I feel like you can only get if you neglect an email account for at least 3 years:
Apparently FUNKYDANKISGREAT tried to sign me up for a YouTube account.
There is a website out there called Free Rub that tries to hook people up to give massages to each other...yeah right.
I apparently am a perfect candidate for cooking school, obtaining a nursing degree, pursuing a career in writing, teaching abroad or becoming a medical transcriptionist. Wait a minute...that last one might make a dream of mine come true. I'm gonna go get that one out of the trash.
Brian Coleman wants to let me know that voice rehearsal lessons are cancelled this week. He must've heard me sing.
Tyeisha Thompson has photos waiting for her at Sears.
I've just won a free Wal-Mart Gift Card!!! My lucky day!!!
Katie Weese sent me an evite to her summer kick-off party. I don't even know Katie Weese, so that was very nice of her. What a cool chick. I clicked on the evite and it turns out I had been removed from the guest list. Tramp. I knew I couldn't trust her.
Burt Chevrolet in Englewood, CO thanks me for my business. I don't know about you, but Burt's our code word for danger.
Awesomeness. Plain and simple. Tomorrow I begin the reclamation project. Hopefully for the last time. Wish me luck.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Nine Eleven
Where Were You
Most Americans probably remember exactly where they were on the morning of September 11, 2001. I am no different.
I had just made it to the West Campus Library which is the library right next to the May's College of Business at Texas A&M University. People used to say that you went to Evans (the main campus library) to study, but you went to West Campus to hang out. I'd say that was about right. I was a senior at Texas A&M and pretty much had a routine down at this point. I would bus to campus, unless I was running late and then I would drive and park in the pay lot. Then I would make my way to class, backpack casually thrown over one shoulder, thinking more about who I was going to hang out with at lunch than I was about what I might be taught in the classroom.
Today, I was early. That really wasn't so unusual then. When riding a bus to school, you never knew exactly when you'd arrive on campus. So, I did what I always did when I was early and detoured to the library's computer lab to goof off on the net and look for people I knew to say hi to.
Today, I found a group of friends immediately when I walked in, huddled around one computer. This was fairly odd since YouTube hadn't yet taken over the world, so I was instantly curious. My friends caught me up on what was going on, but none of us thought terrorism was in play. The first plane had done its damage. The second was yet to come. We all considered this to be a major tragedy, but an accident nonetheless. I made my way to class and found a seat. And sat.
Five minutes passed.
Ten minutes.
Fifteen.
Finally, my professor came in and informed us that a second plane had hit the second tower. Our government suspects terrorism and there will be no classes at Texas A&M University today.
We were all a little stunned, but we got up from our seats, filed out of the class and dispersed across the campus. I went back into the computer lab and found my group of friends. It was a very weird feeling to be under attack. I was 2,000 miles away from this battleground, but it was my country being bombarded. We had a friend living in New York City, in the Battery Park City area of Manhattan, at that time. We tried to call him, but if you tried to call anyone in New York on that morning, you know what level of success we had.
It turns out that he was outside of the World Trade Center that day. In fact, he was helping a man who had been hit by falling debris and was bleeding when the second plane hit. At that point, the cop who was trying to direct them to a hospital told them to get the hell out of there. He was unable to return to his apartment for several days until the city completed structural checks of the surrounding buildings for safety.
After our unsuccessful attempt to reach our friend, I decided that standing in the computer lab all day wasn't doing anyone any good, so I headed out.
I began to walk across campus at this time. I was pretty certain I could catch up with my close friends at the Memorial Student Center. The MSC had been home base for me for over 3 years now and today was no different. It was not even the first time I made my way here during a tragedy. When I was a sophomore during the fall of 1999, Bonfire fell.
For those of you unfamiliar with the A&M culture, we Aggies had been building a huge fire for the better part of a century which we would burn the week of our football game against t.u., better known to the rest of the country as the University of Texas. The fire is symbolic of our burning desire to beat the Longhorns complete with an Austin city limits sign and a t.u. frathouse (an old outhouse) on top.
The Aggie Bonfire reached a maximum height (and a world record) of 110 feet in 1969. Out of safety concerns it was thenafter limited to 55 feet tall. At its peak height, the flames could be seen from 25 miles away.
Since its inception there had only been one year that Bonfire did not burn. In 1963, President Kennedy was assasinated just before the fire was to be lit. Out of respect for the fallen President, Bonfire remained cold that year. However in 1999 once again, and possibly for good, the Texas A&M-sanctioned Bonfire did not burn.
But that year, the tragedy befell the A&M community directly. Around 2AM on November 18 as the final touches were being put on our Bonfire, the stack suddenly and swiftly collapsed, injuring 27 and killing 12 fellow Aggies.
I didn't know anyone injured or killed in the fall personally, but my wife, who I had yet to meet, did. This time I heard about it on the radio while driving my pickup to class. And I was not surprised when I found out classes were cancelled for the day. As I made my way to the MSC on that day, I remember the campus being eerily quiet. It was as though everyone was holding their breath in unison hoping for the best as we still were unaware of the toll that would ultimately be paid. Even the birds on West Campus, known as much for their squawk as for their unsightly droppings on cars, seemed to know that day was a day for silent vigil.
I thought about that day as I once again made my way to the MSC to be with friends, to wait, to pray. When I arrived, I found projector screens set up in the Flag Room tuned to news broadcasts of the attacks. I also found friends and the opportunity to pray as a group. And we sat and watched for most of the day.
You know the rest of the story. The Pentagon. Flight 93.
Soon after September 11, 2001, we began to get an idea of who was behind the attacks. Once we knew this, my roommates and I turned our dartboard into "Terrorist Darts." We printed out pictures of all the known terrorists (including a huge one of Bin Laden) and began piercing their images with deadly accuracy.
But probably one of the moments for which I am most proud of my school came when in less than two weeks, some quick-thinking Aggies organized a Red, White and Blue Out of Kyle Field for the game versus Oklahoma State. This included getting the word out, finding a screen printer to make over 80,000 shirts in about a week and coordinating a successful salute of patriotism and solidarity with New York City and the rest of America. All of the proceeds went to the New York Firefighters 9/11 Relief Fund.
That's me in the bottom left corner of second deck. I'm wearing the white shirt.
I hope you appreciated this little trip back in time. Those are two moments which I will never forget. One an accident. One an attack. Both tragedies. But what terrorists and tragedies don't understand is that each time we are hit, we huddle closer together. We forget our differences for a while and focus on our commonalities. We show more grace to each other less tolerance for those who want to attack us. I thank God that we've put seven years between us and that day.
Here's to seven hundred more.
Most Americans probably remember exactly where they were on the morning of September 11, 2001. I am no different.
I had just made it to the West Campus Library which is the library right next to the May's College of Business at Texas A&M University. People used to say that you went to Evans (the main campus library) to study, but you went to West Campus to hang out. I'd say that was about right. I was a senior at Texas A&M and pretty much had a routine down at this point. I would bus to campus, unless I was running late and then I would drive and park in the pay lot. Then I would make my way to class, backpack casually thrown over one shoulder, thinking more about who I was going to hang out with at lunch than I was about what I might be taught in the classroom.
Today, I was early. That really wasn't so unusual then. When riding a bus to school, you never knew exactly when you'd arrive on campus. So, I did what I always did when I was early and detoured to the library's computer lab to goof off on the net and look for people I knew to say hi to.
Today, I found a group of friends immediately when I walked in, huddled around one computer. This was fairly odd since YouTube hadn't yet taken over the world, so I was instantly curious. My friends caught me up on what was going on, but none of us thought terrorism was in play. The first plane had done its damage. The second was yet to come. We all considered this to be a major tragedy, but an accident nonetheless. I made my way to class and found a seat. And sat.
Five minutes passed.
Ten minutes.
Fifteen.
Finally, my professor came in and informed us that a second plane had hit the second tower. Our government suspects terrorism and there will be no classes at Texas A&M University today.
We were all a little stunned, but we got up from our seats, filed out of the class and dispersed across the campus. I went back into the computer lab and found my group of friends. It was a very weird feeling to be under attack. I was 2,000 miles away from this battleground, but it was my country being bombarded. We had a friend living in New York City, in the Battery Park City area of Manhattan, at that time. We tried to call him, but if you tried to call anyone in New York on that morning, you know what level of success we had.
It turns out that he was outside of the World Trade Center that day. In fact, he was helping a man who had been hit by falling debris and was bleeding when the second plane hit. At that point, the cop who was trying to direct them to a hospital told them to get the hell out of there. He was unable to return to his apartment for several days until the city completed structural checks of the surrounding buildings for safety.
After our unsuccessful attempt to reach our friend, I decided that standing in the computer lab all day wasn't doing anyone any good, so I headed out.
I began to walk across campus at this time. I was pretty certain I could catch up with my close friends at the Memorial Student Center. The MSC had been home base for me for over 3 years now and today was no different. It was not even the first time I made my way here during a tragedy. When I was a sophomore during the fall of 1999, Bonfire fell.
For those of you unfamiliar with the A&M culture, we Aggies had been building a huge fire for the better part of a century which we would burn the week of our football game against t.u., better known to the rest of the country as the University of Texas. The fire is symbolic of our burning desire to beat the Longhorns complete with an Austin city limits sign and a t.u. frathouse (an old outhouse) on top.
The Aggie Bonfire reached a maximum height (and a world record) of 110 feet in 1969. Out of safety concerns it was thenafter limited to 55 feet tall. At its peak height, the flames could be seen from 25 miles away.
Since its inception there had only been one year that Bonfire did not burn. In 1963, President Kennedy was assasinated just before the fire was to be lit. Out of respect for the fallen President, Bonfire remained cold that year. However in 1999 once again, and possibly for good, the Texas A&M-sanctioned Bonfire did not burn.
But that year, the tragedy befell the A&M community directly. Around 2AM on November 18 as the final touches were being put on our Bonfire, the stack suddenly and swiftly collapsed, injuring 27 and killing 12 fellow Aggies.
I didn't know anyone injured or killed in the fall personally, but my wife, who I had yet to meet, did. This time I heard about it on the radio while driving my pickup to class. And I was not surprised when I found out classes were cancelled for the day. As I made my way to the MSC on that day, I remember the campus being eerily quiet. It was as though everyone was holding their breath in unison hoping for the best as we still were unaware of the toll that would ultimately be paid. Even the birds on West Campus, known as much for their squawk as for their unsightly droppings on cars, seemed to know that day was a day for silent vigil.
I thought about that day as I once again made my way to the MSC to be with friends, to wait, to pray. When I arrived, I found projector screens set up in the Flag Room tuned to news broadcasts of the attacks. I also found friends and the opportunity to pray as a group. And we sat and watched for most of the day.
You know the rest of the story. The Pentagon. Flight 93.
Soon after September 11, 2001, we began to get an idea of who was behind the attacks. Once we knew this, my roommates and I turned our dartboard into "Terrorist Darts." We printed out pictures of all the known terrorists (including a huge one of Bin Laden) and began piercing their images with deadly accuracy.
But probably one of the moments for which I am most proud of my school came when in less than two weeks, some quick-thinking Aggies organized a Red, White and Blue Out of Kyle Field for the game versus Oklahoma State. This included getting the word out, finding a screen printer to make over 80,000 shirts in about a week and coordinating a successful salute of patriotism and solidarity with New York City and the rest of America. All of the proceeds went to the New York Firefighters 9/11 Relief Fund.
That's me in the bottom left corner of second deck. I'm wearing the white shirt.
I hope you appreciated this little trip back in time. Those are two moments which I will never forget. One an accident. One an attack. Both tragedies. But what terrorists and tragedies don't understand is that each time we are hit, we huddle closer together. We forget our differences for a while and focus on our commonalities. We show more grace to each other less tolerance for those who want to attack us. I thank God that we've put seven years between us and that day.
Here's to seven hundred more.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A Tale of Two Feelings
A couple of weeks ago, I was at Casey Moran's (a local public house next to Wrigley Field), and I felt the weirdest thing I may have ever felt. No, it wasn't the dollar cheeseburger I'd just pounded. And it wasn't the free 3-1-2 I was drinking either. It may have had something to do with the measly pay I'd just received for working my hind parts off at Lollapalooza. But, that was not it either.
I walked into Casey Moran's for our paycheck pick-up party wondering to myself if I could get the Texas Ranger's game on TV while we were there, but to my surprise I noticed almost every TV had the Bears' preseason opener beaming back at me (the other TVs had Cubs and Sox on them). Of course, I was not surprised that a Bears' game was on TV in a Chicago bar. What surprised me was that preseason football had started already. And I was a little surprised at how into it Bears' fans are.
And then it dawned on me...it's here. Hey everybody! Football season is here! Time to draft your fantasy teams! Make sure your TV is set up properly! Dance in the streets! Shout from the rooftops! After seven long months of darkness, the light will shine again soon!
Hooray, Football Season! Old School Style!
And then...something else entered my joyful heart. Something not so joyful. Something sad.
You see, in Chicago the dawning of football season also means the dying of summer. In Texas, the birth of a new football season comes with no such sacrifice. If anything we only move to a cooler summer, but it's still summer. But not here. Soon, the leaves will change colors. The days will grow short. The snow will fall. The people will shovel.
The city is alive right now. With the sound of music...wait. That's the hills. The city is alive with the sound of summer. Beach volleyball. Patio seating. Barbecue grills. Dogs swimming. Flip-flops flipping. And flopping.
But to have football season arrive means to have summer take a few final bows and exit from the stage. No matter how hard we shout, "Encore!" our summer will yield the stage for 8 more months.
So for the first time in my life, I am torn at the arrival of football season. Damn you, old man winter! You'll rue the day you did this to me. I will single-handedly lead the charge for global warming and "Old Man Winter" can become "Dead Man Winter" which will give way to, " 'Daddy, tell me about Winter. Was it cold?' 'Oh, son, Winter is just a myth. It never really existed. Like O'Doul's and Coors Cutter.'"
However, being that it is football season and there's nothing that I can do to stop it, I now present to you my annual prediction of how this NFL season will play out. I think I need a name for it, but I'll work on that next year. Last year, I was miserably inaccurate so if I pick your team to win something I'd try not to get your hopes up this year. As always, I will critique myself at year's end and you are no longer obligated to read on if "sports aren't really your thing".
AFC NORTH:
Might as well start at the division that is home to my favorite team, the Cincinnati Bengals. When the laughter dies down we'll begin.
Have we all composed ourselves?
I think this division may have the most negative question marks (as opposed to the NFC East which I think has the most positive question marks). You see, the Steelers are having some offensive line issues, the Ravens are having major QB issues, the Bengals have defense and offensive sync issues and the Browns have defensive back and "was last year for real" issues.
Out of all these teams, I see the Steelers having the most success because Ben Rothlisberger is a QB that is capable of making the line look good with some mobility and the fact that he is 8'10" and refuses to fall down when someone hits him. Excuse me while I go call Ralph on the Big White Phone after praising Ben.
Ok. Plus the Steelers have a solid defense. Sadly, I have to give them the nod. Most likely the order of the next three teams won't matter since the AFC North drew the AFC and NFC East to play this year and therefore have some of the toughest out of division schedules in the league. I'm guessing the wild card comes from somewhere else.
1. Pittsburgh
2. Cleveland
3. Cincinnati
4. Baltimore
NFC NORTH:
This division has some interesting story lines this year. Aaron Rodgers takes over for Brett Favre, can Adrian Peterson stay healthy for a full season, will the Bears ever find a QB, and can the Lions start out 6-2 and miss the playoffs again?
The answer to who wins the division is hidden in one of those story lines, but far be it from me to guess how this will shake out. Oh, wait, I am guessing how it will shake out. Let's see...eenie, meenie, miney, mo...I kid, I kid.
I think the Packers have this thing. They return a pretty solid defense from last year and if Rodgers can just drive the bus through the parking lot that is the NFC North without crashing it into a light pole the Pack should win the division title. Their only competition should be from the Vikings who boast a fantastic defense and running game, but a QB who hit a few cones last year driving the bus.
"They were cones!"
1. Green Bay
2. Minnesota
3. Chicago
4. Detroit
AFC SOUTH:
This division is pretty straightforward. If Peyton Manning is healthy, the Colts should take the title. If not, that doesn't mean they won't take the title, but everyone else might have a shot. Right now, Peyton is a little banged up, but promises to be fine for the season opener, so we all know who my numero uno in this division-o is going to be. But what about the two spot?
Jaguars? David Garrard played really well last year, only throwing two interceptions. The running game is solid and so is the defense. Wide receiver is a big question mark right now, though, so if I need a first down to seal a win or extend a drive who do I go to?
Titans? This team has quite possibly the leagues most exciting player on their team. I speak of Vince Young, naturally. But for some unknown reason, the Titans haven't even pretended to try to get him a real receiving threat. The rest of the team around VY is a bit average.
Texans? I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and be proud of the team that bears such a magnificent name, but so far, I've been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. I been had! It seems like the pieces are finally in place: a solid, young defense; a potential star at running back; a fantastic wide out; a very serviceable tight end; and a QB who has the potential to not suck. Is this team ready to play or am I getting the business again?
1. Indianapolis
2. Houston
3. Jacksonville
4. Tennessee
NFC SOUTH:
Oh, NFC South...I don't believe I've ever even gotten close to figuring you out. That leaves me to only one conclusion. You must be a woman. Well, Ms. South, shall we dance again? I'll lead. Try to keep up this time.
The Saints were the hot pick last year. I even picked them to go to the Super Bowl after their fantastic 2006 season. And now what? Do I pick them again? They seem to have all the pieces including newly acquired TE Jeremy Shockey. Their defense may have seen better days, but that offense is scary-ish and performed well at the end of last season.
The Buccaneers have 18 QBs on their roster, so you have to think one of them can throw. They have a defense named after them (the Tampa 2) and they have a coach that fielded a winning team for the Raiders. Interesting.
I like the Panthers every year because my friend Patrick is a Panthers' fan. Well, that's not the only reason. I also like their defense which may have a healthy Julius Peppers. I like Jake Delhomme, too, though he's been known to kill a game or two with the pick-6. But it's not like the Panthers are awful. And now I've met another guy that's a Panthers fan...what to do?
The Falcons...hmmm...so they're sans Dog Killer, and everyone is pretty certain their the worst team in the league. I'm not so sure I agree with that theory (which probably means they are the worst team in the league.) First of all, Matt Ryan is their starting QB. Sure he's a rookie, but what does he have to lose. Everyone thinks they're going to suck mightily so the pressure should be off. They also plucked Michael Turner from free agency. The dude had 4 carries for 113 yards in a preseason game already. I'm not ready to give this team the heave-ho yet.
But seriously, the division makes me feel like Kramer trying to fill in for Movie Phone.
"Why Don't You Just Tell Me What Order You're Going to Finish In!?"
1. New Orleans
2. Tampa Bay
3. Atlanta
4. Carolina
AFC WEST:
This should be a pretty straightforward division as well. The Chargers are one of the best teams in the league thanks to a very respectable defense and a man known simply as LT. Plus ol' Phil Rivers probably won't cost them any ballgames, so what's not to like. Well, Shawn Merriman apparently is playing on a pretty banged up knee. Other than that, I've got nothing.
So on to the race to be VP of this western ticket (it is election season after all). The Raiders...? They do have Darren McFadden. They are just not a well-run organization right now...sorry, Raiders, you're not on the short-list.
Chiefs, then? Damon Huard is not going to last very long in a debate with Jay Cutler. Neither is Brodie Croyle. But I do like Larry Johnson and Dwayne Bowe. I'd like them more if they were on a good team.
So, by default we're gonna have to go with the Broncos. Woo-hoo! Chargers-Broncos 2008! Hope! Change!
1. San Diego
2. Denver
3. Oakland
4. Kansas City
NFC WEST:
Remember when this used to be a good division...the 49ers, led by Joe Montana. The LA Rams led by...hmmm...the Falcons with their...wait NFC west? The Saints and how they...wait a minute! I thought New Orleans was...West? Hold on a minute...wikipedia.com...search NFC West...
Okay...turns out from 1981 to 1997 the 49ers won the division all but 4 times. That's 13 division titles for the Niners, 4 for the rest of the teams for those keeping track at home.
I guess the NFC West has always been dominated year after year by one team. Since the Seahawks have won it four straight years, let's go ahead and make it 5. The Rams were pretty banged up last year, so they may rebound and look a little better. Maybe. The Cardinals and 49ers are not good football teams right now. Maybe they'll prove me wrong soon, but I think this division is a safe bet for now.
1. Seattle
2. St. Louis
3. Arizona
4. San Francisco
AFC EAST:
Last year I proved that even amateur prognosticators such as myself can learn valuable lessons. After picking the Patriots not to win the East in 2006, I've decided to never not pick the Patriots as long as Tom Brady is wearing the Flying Elvis logo (as deemed so by TMQ of ESPN.com). Last year I was rewarded with a correct Super Bowl pick. However, the Giants snuck in and messed up my chances of picking a correct Superbowl Champion. So, once again we race for 2nd Place.
The Jets now have Brett "Real, Comfortable" Favre. Does this make them contenders? Most seem to think so, but I'm not so sure. He has to learn a new offense and he doesn't exactly have hall of famers out there to throw to. That being said, he didn't have HOFers in Green Bay last year either.
The Dolphins are in a rebuilding phase. The contractor overseeing construction is Bill Parcells, so their future is probably promising. However, their present probably has a lot of caution tape blocking off dangerous, unfinished corridors.
I like the Bills. I think they have a defense that shouldn't blow the game for you, a running back on the rise in Marshawn Lynch, a speedster in Lee Evans who can stretch the field for Trent Edwards and the offense. Their not exactly at four-time Super Bowl loser potential, but maybe one-time playoff game loser potential.
1. New England
2. Buffalo
3. New York
4. Miami
NFC EAST:
Now for the division that probably should be home to my favorite team. I grew up in Texas. Pretty much everyone I know is a Cowboys fan. Yet, somehow, I managed to become a Bengals fan...go figure. Anywho, as I said at the top of these predictions, this division has the most positive question marks. What I mean by that is every team stands to look pretty good this year. Can Jason Campbell step up and lead the Redskins to the title; if Donovan McNabb plays a full season, how good can the Eagles be; plus, how good can Brian Westbrook be; how good can Marion Barber be as the featured back; do Tony Romo and Terrell "Eldorado" Owens need a coverage drawing receiver; can the Giants repeat and will Eli Manning perform better with a ring on his finger (wedding and Superbowl)?
For the most part, I think you have to lean Cowboys in this division, though. And now that the Giants have lost some of their D-linemen to injury and retirement can they repeat the success of last season? Who knows!? That's why this is so fun!
1. Dallas
2. Philadelphia
3. New York
4. Washington
Now for Playoff Predictions!
Pittsburgh
Indianapolis
New England
San Diego
Wild Cards:
Denver
Buffalo
Green Bay
New Orleans
Seattle
Dallas
Wild Cards:
Philadelphia
New York
It's always tough to guess who might be playing in that final game of the year. Injury bugs bite teams. Some teams underperform. Some teams overperform. Bad weather can affect playoff outcomes. Who knows? But at the end of the day it is my job to look into the future and pick the outcome of the Super Bowl. So, I'm going to safely pick the teams who look the best in each conference.
Dallas Cowboys vs. New England Patriots
The Cowboys seem to be the best team in the NFC if they can get their act together and win a playoff game we'd all appreciate it.
The Patriots lost one game last year. Granted it was the Super Bowl, but seriously, what's changed from last year to this year. Will they win all of their regular season games again? Doubtful. But the champ hasn't been knocked down yet, so I'm sticking with the Pats.
And you're Super Bowl Champions....
Gotta go with the New England Patriots. And for good reason. They're probably a little pissed about last year and Wade Phillips and the Cowboys lack the experience to go to battle against Cheatin' Billy B and the Pissed off Pats.
Remember, if I picked your team to do anything half-way decent this year, be prepared for a long season.
And, Winter, I'm putting you on notice, Stephen Colbert style.
I walked into Casey Moran's for our paycheck pick-up party wondering to myself if I could get the Texas Ranger's game on TV while we were there, but to my surprise I noticed almost every TV had the Bears' preseason opener beaming back at me (the other TVs had Cubs and Sox on them). Of course, I was not surprised that a Bears' game was on TV in a Chicago bar. What surprised me was that preseason football had started already. And I was a little surprised at how into it Bears' fans are.
And then it dawned on me...it's here. Hey everybody! Football season is here! Time to draft your fantasy teams! Make sure your TV is set up properly! Dance in the streets! Shout from the rooftops! After seven long months of darkness, the light will shine again soon!
Hooray, Football Season! Old School Style!
And then...something else entered my joyful heart. Something not so joyful. Something sad.
You see, in Chicago the dawning of football season also means the dying of summer. In Texas, the birth of a new football season comes with no such sacrifice. If anything we only move to a cooler summer, but it's still summer. But not here. Soon, the leaves will change colors. The days will grow short. The snow will fall. The people will shovel.
The city is alive right now. With the sound of music...wait. That's the hills. The city is alive with the sound of summer. Beach volleyball. Patio seating. Barbecue grills. Dogs swimming. Flip-flops flipping. And flopping.
But to have football season arrive means to have summer take a few final bows and exit from the stage. No matter how hard we shout, "Encore!" our summer will yield the stage for 8 more months.
So for the first time in my life, I am torn at the arrival of football season. Damn you, old man winter! You'll rue the day you did this to me. I will single-handedly lead the charge for global warming and "Old Man Winter" can become "Dead Man Winter" which will give way to, " 'Daddy, tell me about Winter. Was it cold?' 'Oh, son, Winter is just a myth. It never really existed. Like O'Doul's and Coors Cutter.'"
However, being that it is football season and there's nothing that I can do to stop it, I now present to you my annual prediction of how this NFL season will play out. I think I need a name for it, but I'll work on that next year. Last year, I was miserably inaccurate so if I pick your team to win something I'd try not to get your hopes up this year. As always, I will critique myself at year's end and you are no longer obligated to read on if "sports aren't really your thing".
AFC NORTH:
Might as well start at the division that is home to my favorite team, the Cincinnati Bengals. When the laughter dies down we'll begin.
Have we all composed ourselves?
I think this division may have the most negative question marks (as opposed to the NFC East which I think has the most positive question marks). You see, the Steelers are having some offensive line issues, the Ravens are having major QB issues, the Bengals have defense and offensive sync issues and the Browns have defensive back and "was last year for real" issues.
Out of all these teams, I see the Steelers having the most success because Ben Rothlisberger is a QB that is capable of making the line look good with some mobility and the fact that he is 8'10" and refuses to fall down when someone hits him. Excuse me while I go call Ralph on the Big White Phone after praising Ben.
Ok. Plus the Steelers have a solid defense. Sadly, I have to give them the nod. Most likely the order of the next three teams won't matter since the AFC North drew the AFC and NFC East to play this year and therefore have some of the toughest out of division schedules in the league. I'm guessing the wild card comes from somewhere else.
1. Pittsburgh
2. Cleveland
3. Cincinnati
4. Baltimore
NFC NORTH:
This division has some interesting story lines this year. Aaron Rodgers takes over for Brett Favre, can Adrian Peterson stay healthy for a full season, will the Bears ever find a QB, and can the Lions start out 6-2 and miss the playoffs again?
The answer to who wins the division is hidden in one of those story lines, but far be it from me to guess how this will shake out. Oh, wait, I am guessing how it will shake out. Let's see...eenie, meenie, miney, mo...I kid, I kid.
I think the Packers have this thing. They return a pretty solid defense from last year and if Rodgers can just drive the bus through the parking lot that is the NFC North without crashing it into a light pole the Pack should win the division title. Their only competition should be from the Vikings who boast a fantastic defense and running game, but a QB who hit a few cones last year driving the bus.
"They were cones!"
1. Green Bay
2. Minnesota
3. Chicago
4. Detroit
AFC SOUTH:
This division is pretty straightforward. If Peyton Manning is healthy, the Colts should take the title. If not, that doesn't mean they won't take the title, but everyone else might have a shot. Right now, Peyton is a little banged up, but promises to be fine for the season opener, so we all know who my numero uno in this division-o is going to be. But what about the two spot?
Jaguars? David Garrard played really well last year, only throwing two interceptions. The running game is solid and so is the defense. Wide receiver is a big question mark right now, though, so if I need a first down to seal a win or extend a drive who do I go to?
Titans? This team has quite possibly the leagues most exciting player on their team. I speak of Vince Young, naturally. But for some unknown reason, the Titans haven't even pretended to try to get him a real receiving threat. The rest of the team around VY is a bit average.
Texans? I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and be proud of the team that bears such a magnificent name, but so far, I've been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. I been had! It seems like the pieces are finally in place: a solid, young defense; a potential star at running back; a fantastic wide out; a very serviceable tight end; and a QB who has the potential to not suck. Is this team ready to play or am I getting the business again?
1. Indianapolis
2. Houston
3. Jacksonville
4. Tennessee
NFC SOUTH:
Oh, NFC South...I don't believe I've ever even gotten close to figuring you out. That leaves me to only one conclusion. You must be a woman. Well, Ms. South, shall we dance again? I'll lead. Try to keep up this time.
The Saints were the hot pick last year. I even picked them to go to the Super Bowl after their fantastic 2006 season. And now what? Do I pick them again? They seem to have all the pieces including newly acquired TE Jeremy Shockey. Their defense may have seen better days, but that offense is scary-ish and performed well at the end of last season.
The Buccaneers have 18 QBs on their roster, so you have to think one of them can throw. They have a defense named after them (the Tampa 2) and they have a coach that fielded a winning team for the Raiders. Interesting.
I like the Panthers every year because my friend Patrick is a Panthers' fan. Well, that's not the only reason. I also like their defense which may have a healthy Julius Peppers. I like Jake Delhomme, too, though he's been known to kill a game or two with the pick-6. But it's not like the Panthers are awful. And now I've met another guy that's a Panthers fan...what to do?
The Falcons...hmmm...so they're sans Dog Killer, and everyone is pretty certain their the worst team in the league. I'm not so sure I agree with that theory (which probably means they are the worst team in the league.) First of all, Matt Ryan is their starting QB. Sure he's a rookie, but what does he have to lose. Everyone thinks they're going to suck mightily so the pressure should be off. They also plucked Michael Turner from free agency. The dude had 4 carries for 113 yards in a preseason game already. I'm not ready to give this team the heave-ho yet.
But seriously, the division makes me feel like Kramer trying to fill in for Movie Phone.
"Why Don't You Just Tell Me What Order You're Going to Finish In!?"
1. New Orleans
2. Tampa Bay
3. Atlanta
4. Carolina
AFC WEST:
This should be a pretty straightforward division as well. The Chargers are one of the best teams in the league thanks to a very respectable defense and a man known simply as LT. Plus ol' Phil Rivers probably won't cost them any ballgames, so what's not to like. Well, Shawn Merriman apparently is playing on a pretty banged up knee. Other than that, I've got nothing.
So on to the race to be VP of this western ticket (it is election season after all). The Raiders...? They do have Darren McFadden. They are just not a well-run organization right now...sorry, Raiders, you're not on the short-list.
Chiefs, then? Damon Huard is not going to last very long in a debate with Jay Cutler. Neither is Brodie Croyle. But I do like Larry Johnson and Dwayne Bowe. I'd like them more if they were on a good team.
So, by default we're gonna have to go with the Broncos. Woo-hoo! Chargers-Broncos 2008! Hope! Change!
1. San Diego
2. Denver
3. Oakland
4. Kansas City
NFC WEST:
Remember when this used to be a good division...the 49ers, led by Joe Montana. The LA Rams led by...hmmm...the Falcons with their...wait NFC west? The Saints and how they...wait a minute! I thought New Orleans was...West? Hold on a minute...wikipedia.com...search NFC West...
Okay...turns out from 1981 to 1997 the 49ers won the division all but 4 times. That's 13 division titles for the Niners, 4 for the rest of the teams for those keeping track at home.
I guess the NFC West has always been dominated year after year by one team. Since the Seahawks have won it four straight years, let's go ahead and make it 5. The Rams were pretty banged up last year, so they may rebound and look a little better. Maybe. The Cardinals and 49ers are not good football teams right now. Maybe they'll prove me wrong soon, but I think this division is a safe bet for now.
1. Seattle
2. St. Louis
3. Arizona
4. San Francisco
AFC EAST:
Last year I proved that even amateur prognosticators such as myself can learn valuable lessons. After picking the Patriots not to win the East in 2006, I've decided to never not pick the Patriots as long as Tom Brady is wearing the Flying Elvis logo (as deemed so by TMQ of ESPN.com). Last year I was rewarded with a correct Super Bowl pick. However, the Giants snuck in and messed up my chances of picking a correct Superbowl Champion. So, once again we race for 2nd Place.
The Jets now have Brett "Real, Comfortable" Favre. Does this make them contenders? Most seem to think so, but I'm not so sure. He has to learn a new offense and he doesn't exactly have hall of famers out there to throw to. That being said, he didn't have HOFers in Green Bay last year either.
The Dolphins are in a rebuilding phase. The contractor overseeing construction is Bill Parcells, so their future is probably promising. However, their present probably has a lot of caution tape blocking off dangerous, unfinished corridors.
I like the Bills. I think they have a defense that shouldn't blow the game for you, a running back on the rise in Marshawn Lynch, a speedster in Lee Evans who can stretch the field for Trent Edwards and the offense. Their not exactly at four-time Super Bowl loser potential, but maybe one-time playoff game loser potential.
1. New England
2. Buffalo
3. New York
4. Miami
NFC EAST:
Now for the division that probably should be home to my favorite team. I grew up in Texas. Pretty much everyone I know is a Cowboys fan. Yet, somehow, I managed to become a Bengals fan...go figure. Anywho, as I said at the top of these predictions, this division has the most positive question marks. What I mean by that is every team stands to look pretty good this year. Can Jason Campbell step up and lead the Redskins to the title; if Donovan McNabb plays a full season, how good can the Eagles be; plus, how good can Brian Westbrook be; how good can Marion Barber be as the featured back; do Tony Romo and Terrell "Eldorado" Owens need a coverage drawing receiver; can the Giants repeat and will Eli Manning perform better with a ring on his finger (wedding and Superbowl)?
For the most part, I think you have to lean Cowboys in this division, though. And now that the Giants have lost some of their D-linemen to injury and retirement can they repeat the success of last season? Who knows!? That's why this is so fun!
1. Dallas
2. Philadelphia
3. New York
4. Washington
Now for Playoff Predictions!
Pittsburgh
Indianapolis
New England
San Diego
Wild Cards:
Denver
Buffalo
Green Bay
New Orleans
Seattle
Dallas
Wild Cards:
Philadelphia
New York
It's always tough to guess who might be playing in that final game of the year. Injury bugs bite teams. Some teams underperform. Some teams overperform. Bad weather can affect playoff outcomes. Who knows? But at the end of the day it is my job to look into the future and pick the outcome of the Super Bowl. So, I'm going to safely pick the teams who look the best in each conference.
Dallas Cowboys vs. New England Patriots
The Cowboys seem to be the best team in the NFC if they can get their act together and win a playoff game we'd all appreciate it.
The Patriots lost one game last year. Granted it was the Super Bowl, but seriously, what's changed from last year to this year. Will they win all of their regular season games again? Doubtful. But the champ hasn't been knocked down yet, so I'm sticking with the Pats.
And you're Super Bowl Champions....
Gotta go with the New England Patriots. And for good reason. They're probably a little pissed about last year and Wade Phillips and the Cowboys lack the experience to go to battle against Cheatin' Billy B and the Pissed off Pats.
Remember, if I picked your team to do anything half-way decent this year, be prepared for a long season.
And, Winter, I'm putting you on notice, Stephen Colbert style.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
I Feel the Need...the Need for Speed!
You may have noticed the Top Gun reference in the title. At least, I hope you did. If you were born pre-1986 and can't quote 75% of Top Gun where the heck have you been for the last 22+ years?
Maybe this picture will help you understand why I have Top Gun on the brain:
So, this photo was taken at the Chicago Air and Water Show that happened last week. Actually...loads and loads of stuff happened last weekend. And really this was at the pre-show at the Gary-Chicago Airport. But let's start with the Chicago Air and Water Show because that's really where this story gets interesting.
To shorten what could be a dangerously long story, our friends Cory and Millie (who we have recently met at our church)(and who are an Aggie and a Vol respectively) work for a company that sells Oracle software. Oracle sponsors some stunt pilots under the name, wait for it, Team Oracle. Team Oracle is led by Sean D. Tucker who does things in a plane like this (you get a pretty good idea after 15 seconds):
So, Cory and Millie score us all some VIP passes to the pre-show on Thursday night at the Gary-Chicago Airport. For a while we just walk around watching jets and planes do some unreal stuff. As Cory would say, it will melt your face off. Then we finally notice that no one where we're at has VIP passes, so we think that there has to be more to this and decide to see how close we can get to everything that's happening.
Well, close as we can get turns out to be in the hangar where all of the Team Oracle planes and pilots are hanging out. We meet Sean D. and take some pictures with our Gig Em thumbs out.
Then we chat it up a bit about his awesomeness when out of the blue he throws out the best pickup line ever. On mine and Cory's wives.
"Hey, you ladies want to go flying?"
How many times has that worked. Every time. That's how many. Think about it for a second. You're a dude hanging out in a bar. Or a restaurant. Or a church. Wherever you pick up ladies. And you walk up and say, "Hi. You look pretty tonight."
And then up walks Joe Flyboy and he says, "Hi. Wanna go flying?"
Who wins? Not you.
So, of course our ladies immediately say, "YES!" while Cory and I start to figure out what we're gonna do when Sean's plane disappears with our wives to some remote island full of flyboys and stolen ladies.
So, the next morning at 11AM we take Stacie and Millie to the awesomeness that is flying in a stunt plane. As they were getting into their gear someone asked if they were nervous or thought they might throw up. Cory's friend Justin who was with us piped up and asked if you could throw up from jealousy. I think you can. Here's some preflight photos:
We couldn't see what happened after take off since they were way off over Lake Michigan, but they did some pretty amazing stuff. The did barrel rolls, loops, and some free falls. Each girl was in the front of their own plane and the pilots let them each fly the plane. They got to fly their own barrel rolls and loops.
Anybody jealous, yet? I know at least one dude that is.
Post flight pics:
At the end of the day, it was a pretty amazing time. And Sean was kind enough to bring our wives back to us, but he did warn us that he just took them on the most expensive free flight they'll ever go on. Anybody know where I can get a pilot's license and buy a plane at?
But the fun didn't stop there. Sean then asked us if we were going to the Air Show. Of course we were. And he said, let me get you some VIP passes to sit in the Blue Angels friends and family section.
Ahhhh, yeah!
Since Stacie's parents were coming into town we asked if we could have a couple of extra passes and he obviously said he could get as many as we needed.
So, the next day we were front and center for the Chicago Air and Water Show. There were 3.1 million people on the lakefront to watch the show and we were among the 25 or so that were front and center. We filled up a 4G card with pictures, but I'll just drop a few for you here. If you ever get a chance to sit in the Blue Angels VIP section after your wife flys in a professional stunt plane, I highly recommend it.
The Blue Angels lined up before takeoff at the Gary-Chicago Airport
Two stunt planes performing at the show.
A patriotic parachuter makes a perfect landing. Say that ten times fast.
"Fat Albert", the Blue Angels' C130 showing off his skills.
These guys gave the play by play for the Blue Angels.
Here they are in their diamond formation.
I have no idea how they don't hit each other.
Here's five doing a huge loop.
A nice closeup.
These two just crossed. And right in front of us.
This was kind of awesome.
That's actually four jets. How they get that close to each other is beyond me.
All six breaking apart.
Millie and Cory, the hookup artists.
The fam.
Me and Stacie
Me and Cory. Looking cool.
As if that weren't enough for the weekend, after the Air Show, we come back to find our local block party in full force right in front of our condo. So, naturally we jump right in. It was great to finally get to meet some of our neighbors that we hadn't had an opportunity to introduce ourselves to yet. Turns out one of them heads up marketing for Miller and hooked our street up with free beer. Gonna have to keep her on the street.
Plus, it only took about 10 minutes before we turned it into a College Station, TX party. Since Cory, Stacie and I were Aggies and since the Moffett's are obviously from Texas, we had neighbors bringing out cowboy hats and playing Robert Earl Keen on the iPod outside. Crazy. I half expected it to turn into an all-out street dance or see someone bring out a live goat. (That's for all my Brady and Van Alstyne peeps.)
To top it all off, on Sunday we decided to pull ourselves out of redneck-dom by our bootstraps. We cleaned up and headed to the theater district and watched the musical Jersey Boys. And it was fantastic. You should go check it out, but I must warn you, the songs will be stuck in your head for about a week since you know all of them.
And that, my friends, was last weekend in Chicago. Tune in next time for more crazy adventures from the Thompson Family! And remember...
You can be my wingman anytime.
Maybe this picture will help you understand why I have Top Gun on the brain:
So, this photo was taken at the Chicago Air and Water Show that happened last week. Actually...loads and loads of stuff happened last weekend. And really this was at the pre-show at the Gary-Chicago Airport. But let's start with the Chicago Air and Water Show because that's really where this story gets interesting.
To shorten what could be a dangerously long story, our friends Cory and Millie (who we have recently met at our church)(and who are an Aggie and a Vol respectively) work for a company that sells Oracle software. Oracle sponsors some stunt pilots under the name, wait for it, Team Oracle. Team Oracle is led by Sean D. Tucker who does things in a plane like this (you get a pretty good idea after 15 seconds):
So, Cory and Millie score us all some VIP passes to the pre-show on Thursday night at the Gary-Chicago Airport. For a while we just walk around watching jets and planes do some unreal stuff. As Cory would say, it will melt your face off. Then we finally notice that no one where we're at has VIP passes, so we think that there has to be more to this and decide to see how close we can get to everything that's happening.
Well, close as we can get turns out to be in the hangar where all of the Team Oracle planes and pilots are hanging out. We meet Sean D. and take some pictures with our Gig Em thumbs out.
Then we chat it up a bit about his awesomeness when out of the blue he throws out the best pickup line ever. On mine and Cory's wives.
"Hey, you ladies want to go flying?"
How many times has that worked. Every time. That's how many. Think about it for a second. You're a dude hanging out in a bar. Or a restaurant. Or a church. Wherever you pick up ladies. And you walk up and say, "Hi. You look pretty tonight."
And then up walks Joe Flyboy and he says, "Hi. Wanna go flying?"
Who wins? Not you.
So, of course our ladies immediately say, "YES!" while Cory and I start to figure out what we're gonna do when Sean's plane disappears with our wives to some remote island full of flyboys and stolen ladies.
So, the next morning at 11AM we take Stacie and Millie to the awesomeness that is flying in a stunt plane. As they were getting into their gear someone asked if they were nervous or thought they might throw up. Cory's friend Justin who was with us piped up and asked if you could throw up from jealousy. I think you can. Here's some preflight photos:
We couldn't see what happened after take off since they were way off over Lake Michigan, but they did some pretty amazing stuff. The did barrel rolls, loops, and some free falls. Each girl was in the front of their own plane and the pilots let them each fly the plane. They got to fly their own barrel rolls and loops.
Anybody jealous, yet? I know at least one dude that is.
Post flight pics:
At the end of the day, it was a pretty amazing time. And Sean was kind enough to bring our wives back to us, but he did warn us that he just took them on the most expensive free flight they'll ever go on. Anybody know where I can get a pilot's license and buy a plane at?
But the fun didn't stop there. Sean then asked us if we were going to the Air Show. Of course we were. And he said, let me get you some VIP passes to sit in the Blue Angels friends and family section.
Ahhhh, yeah!
Since Stacie's parents were coming into town we asked if we could have a couple of extra passes and he obviously said he could get as many as we needed.
So, the next day we were front and center for the Chicago Air and Water Show. There were 3.1 million people on the lakefront to watch the show and we were among the 25 or so that were front and center. We filled up a 4G card with pictures, but I'll just drop a few for you here. If you ever get a chance to sit in the Blue Angels VIP section after your wife flys in a professional stunt plane, I highly recommend it.
The Blue Angels lined up before takeoff at the Gary-Chicago Airport
Two stunt planes performing at the show.
A patriotic parachuter makes a perfect landing. Say that ten times fast.
"Fat Albert", the Blue Angels' C130 showing off his skills.
These guys gave the play by play for the Blue Angels.
Here they are in their diamond formation.
I have no idea how they don't hit each other.
Here's five doing a huge loop.
A nice closeup.
These two just crossed. And right in front of us.
This was kind of awesome.
That's actually four jets. How they get that close to each other is beyond me.
All six breaking apart.
Millie and Cory, the hookup artists.
The fam.
Me and Stacie
Me and Cory. Looking cool.
As if that weren't enough for the weekend, after the Air Show, we come back to find our local block party in full force right in front of our condo. So, naturally we jump right in. It was great to finally get to meet some of our neighbors that we hadn't had an opportunity to introduce ourselves to yet. Turns out one of them heads up marketing for Miller and hooked our street up with free beer. Gonna have to keep her on the street.
Plus, it only took about 10 minutes before we turned it into a College Station, TX party. Since Cory, Stacie and I were Aggies and since the Moffett's are obviously from Texas, we had neighbors bringing out cowboy hats and playing Robert Earl Keen on the iPod outside. Crazy. I half expected it to turn into an all-out street dance or see someone bring out a live goat. (That's for all my Brady and Van Alstyne peeps.)
To top it all off, on Sunday we decided to pull ourselves out of redneck-dom by our bootstraps. We cleaned up and headed to the theater district and watched the musical Jersey Boys. And it was fantastic. You should go check it out, but I must warn you, the songs will be stuck in your head for about a week since you know all of them.
And that, my friends, was last weekend in Chicago. Tune in next time for more crazy adventures from the Thompson Family! And remember...
You can be my wingman anytime.
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