The Saga of the Shirtless Dishwasher

When I was a young man, say about twelve years old, I was pretty scrawny. I always wanted to be taller and bigger, but I just wasn't. I started playing football around that time, and I also began to lift some weights.

It took a while for the workouts to begin to show results, but my friends and I would nonetheless do a "flex check" everyday in the mirror of the locker room to note our progress. This involved several shirtless, scrawny twelve years old straining, while begging and pleading for any ounce of muscle whatsoever to make an appearance.

As it turns out, it didn't take very long before a few muscles started to peek through. By the time I was a sophomore in high school, I wasn't so scrawny any more. I was about 6'-6'1" weighing in at a respectable 175-180 lbs. I managed to bench press about 225-230 lbs and squat 375-400 lbs. And the muscles were beginning to show.

And I liked that.

As we were growing up, my mom had also made sure we knew how to pitch in around the house. Often I would be responsible for cleaning up the kitchen after a meal. At some point in this scrawny to not-so-scrawny transition, I decided to start taking my shirt off to wash the dishes.

If ever pressed about this, it was simply to keep from getting the bottom area of my t-shirt soaked with water - which was true. But I also had another top-secret agenda in mind.

You see, I was beginning to realize that the ladies liked the muscles that were appearing, so my 15-year old brain thought, wouldn't it be awesome one day to be cooking dinner for a lady that I really liked, and then when it's time to clean up, I just rip my shirt off and exclaim, "I got this!"

Then I would proceed to wash the dishes and she would think, "Oh, man - look at those muscles washing my dishes!" There's no way that she wouldn't continue to date me - she would be helpless, you see, because not only was I washing dishes, but I was doing it as hotly as possible.

But then I could play all coy, and say, "Oh, I wasn't putting on a show or anything. That's how I've always washed dishes. Just ask anyone in my family. I first rip off the shirt and, then secondly, I wash the dishes real good."

I figured this could be my secret weapon to keep a lady I really liked around.

As it turns out, I never did get to have this moment.

However, I did meet my wife while taking out the trash with no shirt on. It just goes to show you young fellas out there - get ripped and practice your household chores. For the record, I keep my shirt on as much as possible now - perhaps I should lift some weights again and bring back the shirtless dishwasher. He was a fun guy to have around.