Come and Blog It Annual Prediction of How the NFL Season Will Play Out

I abandoned this post last year because, frankly, I just don't blog that much anymore and, less frankly, it seems that maybe, possibly there are less and less people who are interested in, how should I say, perusing more than 140 characters at any given moment - maybe - particularly with regard to someone who writes with little to no discernible expertise.

Nevertheless, I was bombarded by a fan recently requesting that I return to the keyboard and let the world know exactly how the NFL Season will play out. For gambling purposes I assume.

Since you all know how I hate to disappoint my fan, well, how could I refuse?

Seriously.

I'd appreciate suggestions on how to refuse requests without disappointing people. I don't want to type this lengthy prediction. Really, I don't have the time, and as noted above I certainly don't have the expertise. Please post in the comment section any ideas on how I can refuse these types of requests in the future while still making my fan feel appreciated.

Enough lollygagging I suppose. Let's get to it.

This year's NFL Season will be way better than last year's NFL Season. That is my first prediction. Why, you ask. Simply put, my fan's favorite team and my favorite team will be surprisingly adequate. Since we are the only two reading this post, that should satisfy the fan's question I just posed for the fan since he is reading and not typing.

AFC

The AFC is currently deemed the weaker of the two leagues despite boasting last year's Super Bowl Champion. With the mighty Niners and Seahawks roaming the West, the super-powered Saints and Falcons owning the South, the potential-laden Packers, Vikings, Lions and Bears jostling for the North and the Redskins and Giants poised to own the East, how could one not see the AFC as the fairer, more docile league.

If I've learned anything from my 31 years of non-expertly watching the NFL, though, it's that just when you think you know something, you learn you know nothing.

I predict another Super Bowl Championship from the AFC.

AFC SOUTH

The only thing I can be absolutely sure of in this division is that the Jaguars will be awful. Looking. I mean seriously, did you see their uniform updates this summer?

As for how the division works itself out in the standings, I have the Colts climbing back on top. Andrew Luck appeared last year to be as good as believed, and I don't think he takes a step back. I believe his receiving corps has improved and that the offense will be good enough to offset a middling defense.

The Texans will still perform valiantly, but Matt Schaub begins the long, winding path traveled by many a-NFL quarterback: almost good enough, but not quite bouncing from team to team hoping for that one shot at glory, just like their poster child, Rich Gannon, got in the early part of the century with the Raiders.

The Titans and Jaguars will be awful, but at least the Titans will dress sharply for their disastrous season.

AFC EAST

It was about ten years ago, it seems, that I swore I'd never pick against Tom Brady ever again.

Well, to thine own oath be true. Tom Brady and the Patriots continue to dominate the East and cruise to the division crown while hardly breaking a sweat. Tom Brady doesn't have any big name receivers though, you say. And...........I say. He's Tom Brady. If he wants a big name receiver, he will create that big name receiver from his own right arm.

The rest of this division should probably just try to have some fun because it's going to be a long year.

AFC NORTH

This division is much tougher than people are projecting I believe. The Steelers just never seem to have a bad year - maybe an average year, but not a bad year. The Ravens have the coach, the running back, the quarterback and the defense. True they lost some talent from last year's team on defense, but word on the street is the replacements are pretty good. Don't act surprised that I know the word on the street, please.

The Browns seem to be getting better each year and eventually that will show up in the win-loss record. Right? It seems like it has to. That brings us to my Bengals - everyone's dark horse team to outperform expectations. If you're everyone's dark horse team, though, are you really anyone's?

I think the division will come down to the Bengals and the Ravens, though. The Bengals have kept all of the pieces in place from a defense that performed very well last year. The offense could take a step forward. Or not. And that will probably make all the difference. I still give the Ravens the division, but right on their heels for the Wild Card is the Bengals.

AFC WEST

This division has proven to be difficult to pick over the last few years - not that I made a pick last year - but one thing you can count on of late is that the Raiders are just bad. Dysfunctional really.

Plus, kind of like Tom Brady and the Patriots, I have a hard time picking against Peyton Manning and the (whatever team he's on)s. So, I have to go with the Broncos to take this division, but I think it will be tougher than it was last year. The Chiefs will be much improved with Alex Smith at quarterback and Jamaal Charles is a beast. The Chargers defense could be surprisingly tough this year as well, but their offense will be as unpredictable as always. Not unpredictable as in "the defense can't figure out what we're going to do and we score so many points because of it" but more as in "I learned to recognize the thorough and primitive duality of man; I saw that, of the two natures that contended in the field of my consciousness, even if I could rightly be said to be either, it was only because I was radically both"*.

AFC PLAYOFFS

Division Champs:

                    

            

                 

Wild Cards:

   

            

INTERMISSION

INTERMISSION OVER

NFC

I going to come clean to you, fan of mine. I've never really liked the NFC. Why should I really? In 1988 the NFC sent the team to the Super Bowl that thwarted my Bengals. Later I learned that when I was but two years old, that same NFC sent that same team to defeat my Bengals in an earlier Super Bowl and by almost the same score. Then it was a young Bret Favre who came off the bench to lead the Packers to a come-from-behind victory over my Bengals that sent each franchise spiraling in their separate directions: one straight up like a bottle rocket bound for glory and the other straight sideways like a bottle rocket missing a fin bound for your neighbor's barn stocked with hay that's been drying out for weeks and, as it turns out, would burn to oblivion for years.

So bear in mind, while I predict outcomes for the NFC, my greatest hope is that it is defeated often.

NFC SOUTH

The Saints have a mighty offense but no defense. The Buccaneers have a Muscle Hamster for a running back (this is a good thing, I'm told), but question marks everywhere else. The Panthers have a dynamic young quarterback who looked very un-dynamic and un-young last season coupled with an aging wide receiver who shows no signs of aging. The most balanced, least question marked team is easily the Falcons, but then again, they totally lack a killer instinct. That's the word on the street anyway.

NFC EAST

Mike Vick in Chip Kelly's offense vs Eli Manning looking sad vs Tony Romo looking awesome while somehow sucking vs RGIII looking awesome while being awesome but sort of limpy.

I guess give me RGIII, limpiness and all. Actually wait, no, I'll take sad-sack Eli to have a crappy first half and then storm into the division lead. Hold up. Nope. I'm a believer - Chip Kelly in the NFL will definitely work out. Ugh, hang on. Maybe Romo will hold the Cowboys together this year.

Give me a minute.

Give me the Cowboys. At 9-7, they win the division giving Cowboys fans everywhere hope and anguish all at the same time. Hope for glory. Anguish knowing that Jerry Jones will take this to mean he's good at GMing.

NFC NORTH

As I noted before, this division is chock-full of potential. The Lions have offensive weapons for days. The Bears have defensive prowess. The Packers have more balance. The Vikings have Adrian Peterson. So, what does that all shake out to in terms of divisional dominance? Balance is king, so give me the Packers, but if the Lions can ever just figure out how to take their awesome players and not suck, they'll be scary.

I actually like the Vikings to come out of this division, too. A healthy dose of AP, solid D and an "only throw it if we absolutely have to" philosophy just might work.

NFC WEST

Exactly. Question mark. As in, why is a team from St. Louis in the NFC West? Probably because the NFC is stupid.

But also, this division comes down to the Niners and the Seahawks. But which one will it be? They've obviously set themselves up as the top teams in a division with two really good teams and two piles of hot, steaming garbage. The Cardinals have no O-line - literally they don't have one. They're asking all teams to count to 4-Mississippi before rushing. The Rams have a weak offense and they lost the best part of that weak offense to the Falcons when Steven Jackson left. So who takes the crown then? I'll give the nod to the 49ers - playoff experience, hunger to get back to the Super Bowl, pretty successful coach, tatted up swag-tastic quarterback - but I think the Seahawks will be right on their tails - playoff experience, hunger to get to the Super Bowl, pretty successful coach, tatted up swag-tastic quarterback.

Wait, Russell Wilson isn't tatted up? Oh, okay, well then obviously the Niners take the division.

NFC PLAYOFFS

Division Champs:

Wild Cards:

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP

                           VS                

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP

 VS              

SUPER BOWL

              VS           

SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS

                                                              

Well, there you have it fan. Now you can go feed your massive gambling addiction since you know how the NFL Season will play out. Knowing the future sure makes the games boring though, but you can't say I didn't warn you. **

*quote from Robert Louis Stevenson in The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

**I did not in fact warn you prior to reading this insightful post that knowing the future makes the games boring, so feel free to say that I didn't warn you.