Giant Gorilla Marketing

My boss always came across a little harsh. Not harsh like he was mean. But harsh like a father who is distant and authoritative, unsure of how to show love or kindness when those emotions crept up on him.

I imagine he would've made a great J. Jonah Jameson in the Spiderman movies. Tough, quick, chaotic. His hair began to disappear years ago, and he had long since went to the buzz cut. I bet he enjoyed that day. He finally had an excuse to not mess with his damn hair everyday. I'd never seen him smoke, but I think if he didn't have to go outside to fire up, he'd probably have a cigar in his mouth like he was born with it there.

Today was like every other. I came in. Sat down at my tiny cubicle just outside of his office. I'd been trying to move up in the company for three years. Hoping to do that one great thing that gets you noticed and promoted so fast your head spins. I'd had some good ideas. Ideas that really grew the business, but nothing that blew the right people away forcing them to sit up and take notice.

He came around the corner so fast it startled me. He moved through the office like a freight train on an unpredictable track. If he could only smoke that cigar he wanted so badly, he'd even have the essence of steam rising through the sky during his train-like gait.

"JOHNSON!" he yelled. "GIT OVER HERE!"

Frank Johnson was the new guy. Got a business degree about 6 years ago. Just got his fancy pants MBA, and he sure was proud of it. I'd always wanted to get my MBA, but I needed one promotion before the company would reimburse me while I got it.

"Yes sir," he nervously mustered.

"The Stinson Account just called. They have a big grand opening, and we have to come up with the promotion plan. They were using someone else, yada, yada, yada, they want us now. We have two days to put together an idea, pitch it and execute it. We need excitement for this event. Time to put that degree to work."

"Two days isn't enough time..."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! We need this account."

"When do you need the idea?"

"By the end of the day."

I had overheard the whole conversation. This was my big chance. There was no way Johnson was going to come up with a serviceable idea by the end of the day. Time to shine.

At 10 after 4 I approached my boss. "Sir I couldn't help, but overhear your conversation with Frank earlier."

"Who?"

"Johnson."

"Oh. Right."

"I thought I might could be of some assistance. I called in a couple of favors at two local radio stations and a television station. They said if we can get a spot filmed, or taped of course for radio, they would work late tomorrow night to make sure it gets on the air in time to promote the big grand opening. I've also designed a spot that I think captures our clients attitude and reaches out to their target market, but will still be easy to produce."

My boss picks up his phone. "Jenny. Get Johnson in here right away."

This is it. He's gonna tell Frank that the problem is solved. Frank will be relieved. Or pissed. Either way, I'm getting promoted!

"Yes sir."

"Johnson, have you come up with anything yet. I've got an idea on the table and I'm ready to run with it."

"Well, sir. Picture this: A giant inflatable gorilla."

"Giant inflatable gorilla?"

"Yes sir. With a sign that reads 'Grand Opening' on it's t-shirt."

"It's wearing a t-shirt?"

"Yes sir. Kind of a tank top."

"How big's this gorilla?"

"Huge. 30 feet tall. Hands up in the air like he's swatting at army aircraft."

This is beautiful. My boss leans back in his chair, pensive. Trying to find a way to shoot him down without making him cry. I can't wait to see this.

"That's brilliant, Johnson. Hell of an idea. You deserve a promotion. Jenny get me a giant inflatable gorilla. Make it blue. With a green tank top. Put a sign on it that says 'Grand Opening'."

He looks at me. "What are you doing here? Get back to work. Johnson, great job. That MBA came in handy after all. You want to get together for dinner Thursday night and talk about your future with the company?"

"Yes sir. Thank you sir."